What are YOU wearing?? (Yup, modesty again)

I have had a heavy heart lately because of something that has become almost extinct: modesty. I have seen articles (which celeb has the best beach body? WHO CARES?!?!?!), spoken to people, seen with my own eyes how women dress… and it really bothers me. I’m not a prude, but I also don’t “flaunt what I’ve got.” I was talking to Janet Shrum this weekend at our Revolution Single’s Retreat about how women dress these days and she made a comment that perfectly described what I want women to know.

“Your body is a billboard. What you tell people by what you wear is what you will end up getting in return.”

Ladies….do you think you are not respected by men? Look at your wardrobe. If you are wearing revealing clothes, you leave nothing to the imagination.

Men..correct me if I am wrong, but a woman who “flaunts it all” isn’t as appealing as a woman who covers up, but still dresses nice, right? The men I’ve talked to think a woman who is modest (not prude) is “sexy” because of her confidence in who she is as a Child of God, not her physical appearance.

1 Timothy 2:9-10 (NASB) speaks to this with regard to women. Timothy says:

  ⁹ Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, ¹⁰ but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.

Another word for “discreetly” is TASTEFUL. Some synonyms for tasteful (if you still aren’t seeing it) are CLASSY, FINE, ELEGANT. Classy is another great word.

 I really don’t think Timothy is telling women they can’t braid their hair or wear jewelry, I think he is saying to not have that be your only value. Christ’s love can shine through the best cosmetics and prettiest jewelry.

Women of God do not have the need to dress to attract attention. The Light of Jesus will do that all on its own.

I keep harping on this subject because I see so many women dress trashy, thinking they will somehow attract men. Or they think they look good. I don’t even mean trashy in the sense of the girls who are in the club (although I wouldn’t be caught dead in those clothes!).. women who dress for the professional environment can be inappropriate in their clothing choices.

Alright.. the soap box is over with for the evening.

Ladies – keep this thought in your mind when you are getting dressed –  

Would I appear before Jesus wearing these clothes?

Would I feel embarrassed because: the neckline is too low; the skirt is too shirt; the shirt is too tight; there is anything too revealing in any way (about this outfit)?

If these answer to either or both of these questions is “YES,” then it might be time for a shopping trip.

RENEW Your Mind

I've seen it so many times. That longing look when she watches him walk away, or the look of devastation on his face if she is talking to another man. I've seen that look on the faces of friends, and I've seen it in the mirror, so I know it well.

The invisible relationship, the one that plays out in the mind instead of real life is dangerous. I think it is the most dangerous relationship, because you invent things about a person that most likely will not translate to real life. Then the disappointment sets in, once you realize they aren't who you think they are.

I did that when I was a teenager.. First 'love,' but the better word is crush. We sent tapes (yes, cassette tapes) back and forth and wrote letters- real ones, not email. Then, I saw him with another girl and it broke my heart. I still imagined something between us, but knew it could never be. Part of me today thinks if he ever came back into my life... Maybe.. But then my head gets screwed back on straight and I look reality in the face and go on with my life, reminding myself that it is HE who missed out, not me. I'm the one he passed up, and the one he will forever wonder about.

That is a thought process that can be applied to any situation. It doesn't mean I think I'm better than any other woman, it just means I don't dwell on the "why didn't he want me??" thought of self-pity. I do know there is someone just right out there that God has deemed worthy of me, and one day He will bring us together. For now though, I choose to keep my mind locked into where it needs to be, not where it wants to wander.

Romans 12:2 (NASB)

² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

The Proverbial Woman

I had something else ready for a posting, but wanted to discuss this a little, since the problem is all over the place. I just read an article that discussed dressing “sexy.” The author was a 43 year old woman with a 10 month old. Many of us have problems losing baby weight, and it does get harder the older you get.

I like what this lady was talking about, because I have also felt the pressure of skinny jeans, miniskirts and toothpicks that walk around calling themselves sexy. (Sorry, skin stretched tightly over every bone is NOT attractive.) Anyway, she goes on to say something I’ve thought for years. You can call me old-fashioned, prude or whatever, but there has to be MYSTERY involved. Showing what you got (LADIES) is vulgar. Keep the skin exposure to a minimum, and find you will attract the right kind of guy, not the one who thinks you are easy because you are dressed like a floozy. Ladies, when you are able to fall out of your shirt every time you lean over, you could stand to throw another shirt on. Or change shirts altogether.

I’ve seen a lot of women in a professional environment dress inappropriately for office work as well. In my opinion, it is a little difficult to maintain a respectable reputation when everyone sees you dressing skimpily… or ready to go on to that questionable second job after your professional day is done, if you know what I mean.

I think I would rather be called a prude because I don’t (un)dress for work or when I’m out. The times I go out dancing, I dress modestly compared to many of the girls in the clubs.

Young girls (or ladies of any age, I guess)… there is NO NEED to wear skimpy clothes to be thought attractive. You are beautiful as you. No guy worth his salt is going to pay attention to you if you look like you are making a huge effort to attract EVERY guy who crosses your path. Yeah, it may take a little longer, but the one who makes the effort will be the one worth it. He will also appreciate that you do not dress inappropriately, and will most likely find that a very attractive attribute. I can think of many young ladies who fit this description. Unfortunately, I can also think of many on the other side of that coin, who dress in appropriately.

Check out Proverbs 31 again… see what the ideal woman is supposed to be like. Remind yourself of the things you should be doing. Want to leave a good impression?  I would follow this example.

Lead them (and a little transparency)

I was listening to a song this morning and the meaning of it hit me. You know how it is, right? You can hear a song one time, ten times or a hundred times, but it depends on where you are (spiritually, mentally and emotionally) when you HEAR it.  When you CONNECT. When you listen to the words and hear  the message you are finally getting.

This morning, that song was “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real (check out the video here). When I had listened to the song previously, I always thought it was about MY relationship with God. This morning, I realized it was about human relationships. Between spouses. Between parents and children. It is about the husband being the spiritual leader of the home, and how it is his responsibility to provide not only financial support but also emotional support. 

I started thinking, as I was listening to the words. There is so much distraction in the world today and it is very easy to get caught up in “MY BUSY LIFE” and I don’t pay attention to the one I love the most, the one I hurt the most.  You know, it hurts me when I think of the way I act towards my boy sometimes. He is the most precious thing in the world to me, and yet, I don’t always act that way. I think we all do this to the important people in our lives at one time or another. Thankfully, I have time to change this behavior on my part, so I don’t lose my boy when he becomes a teenager. I don’t want him thinking he can’t talk to me (preferably without lying though) or he can’t trust me. I want him to know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him, and how he will never know how much I sacrifice for him even now.

Spend time with your loved ones. Lead them and show them you love them. Don’t make them search elsewhere for love – because it may just be the kind you don’t want them bringing home.  And for goodness sake – if you are single – don’t forget to do this when you get married!

Chorus (partial)

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love

Chasing things that I could give up