The Difficulty of Forgiveness

I have to tell you, these past few weeks have not been anywhere close to easy for me... 

I'm working towards forgiveness and healing, but it is SO hard, especially when the feeling of betrayal is so fresh. And gets thrown in my face daily.

Because that daily thing makes it SO much easier to deal with. (heavy sarcasm here, folks)

As a dear friend reminded me;

When I want to scream, I must remember to speak softly, 'I forgive you.'

When I want to slap and punch (i.e. cause pain), I must remember to walk away.

When I want say how awful I think he is, I must remember I am at fault as well.

None of us are perfect, and God has a plan worked out for each of us. I am honestly trying to be patient and wait for God to show me what it is that He has in store for me, but it can be really difficult. Actually, really difficult is not even close to how I feel about this whole waiting thing.

It is H-A-R-D!!!!

I don't like waiting.. I am impatient by nature. However, this waiting time has given me time to reflect

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NASB)

A Thorn in the Flesh

⁷ Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! ⁸ Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. ⁹ And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ¹⁰ Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

While I am weak, my Jesus is strong, and only in His strength, am I strong.
As far as forgiving goes.....

Mark 11:25 (NASB)

²⁵ Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.

Wolves and Sheep

You know, there are times in each of our lives where things happen. They happen because we let it or sometimes it is because of circumstances outside of our control.

Most of the time, the fault for all of the wrong stuff lies within each of us. Because we have strayed from the path God wants us on.

I want to believe I can read people pretty well. At least, until recently I believed it. The person I misread did something that hurt me deeply, and caused great disappointment for so many reasons.

One of my biggest pet peeves is lying, and this person lied. Not just once, but for months.

This person disappointed me in the fact the morals I thought were there... Weren't.

I am mostly disappointed in myself, that I was so incredibly wrong about the character behind the face.

The sad (?) part is, I still want to believe there is good somewhere in there, that maybe I was wrong in my final thoughts about this person. I guess that is my ever positive side hoping for a better outcome.

My heart just hurts over this entire situation, even though I know deep in my soul this is the way things are in how it must be.

We all have moments of weakness, and we all are fooled - at some point - by someone we thought to be honorable and of good character. Strong moral fiber, or the ability to do what is right no matter what the circumstances.

As singles, we must ALWAYS be on guard, for these "wolves in sheep's clothing" will devour our heart and soul if we allow it to happen.

Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)

³¹ Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

Sometimes waiting on the Lord is difficult. Okay, it is ALWAYS difficult, because we want what we want when we want it. That is usually RIGHT NOW!

Rebecca St James has a lovely song called 'Wait for Me" The lyrics (shortened a bit for the purpose of the blog) go something like this:

Darling did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
Darling did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

(Chorus)
Cause,I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Darling did you know I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
Till death do us part
I'll mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness and a second chance
So wait for me
Darling wait for me
Wait for me
wait for me

So, to MY darling that is out there... wait for me, as I am waiting for you. Don't be fooled by the wolves roaming. Stay strong in heart and soul, and I will see you soon.