I'm working towards forgiveness and healing, but it is SO hard, especially when the feeling of betrayal is so fresh. And gets thrown in my face daily.
Because that daily thing makes it SO much easier to deal with. (heavy sarcasm here, folks)
As a dear friend reminded me;
When I want to scream, I must remember to speak softly, 'I forgive you.'
When I want to slap and punch (i.e. cause pain), I must remember to walk away.
When I want say how awful I think he is, I must remember I am at fault as well.
None of us are perfect, and God has a plan worked out for each of us. I am honestly trying to be patient and wait for God to show me what it is that He has in store for me, but it can be really difficult. Actually, really difficult is not even close to how I feel about this whole waiting thing.
It is H-A-R-D!!!!
I don't like waiting.. I am impatient by nature. However, this waiting time has given me time to reflect
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NASB)
A Thorn in the Flesh
7 Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! 8 Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. 9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
While I am weak, my Jesus is strong, and only in His strength, am I strong.
As far as forgiving goes.....
Mark 11:25 (NASB)
25 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.
Just know you're not alone, Julie, in your suffering. I really like the strength/power in weakness passages.
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