Dream a Dream

I have a new dream!!!! I wish some men understood how women think.

Impossible, right? We women think the same thing about you guys, so don’t be saying women are impossible to understand.

For instance, I met someone a few years ago and was not initially attracted to him. As I grew closer to him in friendship, I became more attracted because I could see his heart, and not just his physical appearance. When I told him, he said he had placed me in the ‘friend’ category because he was tired of trying…. I was pretty upset about this situation because he had literally just been flirting with me, which indicated to me that he was interested.

So men… you are just as impossible. Stop flirting if you don’t have any intention of following through.

And for goodness sake! Follow through if you are truly interested! Women don’t want to date a chicken.

It’s been rough, meeting men who appear interested then never follow through. Men these days do not seem to get that chivalry thing, as if it is too much trouble.

Or the men think they should be chased, then turn around and call a woman aggressive or other less becoming names because she showed interest.

You can’t have it both ways, guys. Make a move, or move on.

And ladies… be honest with the interested guy. And give him a chance, especially if he seems decent enough.

There can be valid reasons to not want to date someone.. age, religious beliefs, children, goals, etc. Each person has their own set of needs and wants that must be fulfilled by their life mate, but being petty about it isn’t good. If you want someone to share an interest you have, and refuse to give someone a chance because they don’t hunt/dance/cook/go fishing or play a particular sport, then you may have passed up on a good person because you might be a little too particular.

I personally hate camping…in a tent. I want a bed and a shower. I’ve spent more than enough time on active duty playing in the dirt, and now I do not have any desire to do it ever again. It would be crushing to think someone I really liked would not give me a chance because I did not like camping.

It would be the same thing as me expecting some guy I met to knit or take up knitting and refuse to have anything to do with him because he did not or would not. Silly, huh?

Happy Single's Awareness Day

Since today is Single’s Awareness Day, otherwise known as Valentine’s Day, I thought I would talk about the things we all should do before getting into a relationship. I found a really good article on belief.net and decided to develop it a little further.

1)  Do I actually want to be in a relationship?

Well, do you? Some people are perfectly fine being single, while others bounce from relationship to relationship. I know both types, and I know those who fall in the middle. I’m one of the middle grounders... and I don’t bounce around in relationships. I typically won’t date someone seriously unless I have a pretty good feel for who he is and what he is about. And you’d better bet I will know about his beliefs! I’m also happy being single, even though it gets a little lonely sometimes. Who wouldn’t like flowers delivered to work or for someone to actually recognize her birthday?

2)  What are examples of the good relationships I have been in?

You could look at the negative things in previous relationships as well, by identifying those things you would know what you do not want in your next relationship. The positive things from a previous relationship can make the transition along with you, as long as you are not constantly bringing up the ex (see number 7). Positive relationships can also be others you see around you, in your church and community. I have found more of what I don’t want through various relationships, which can also be considered good, since I know I do not want to be with someone who would prefer to spend all of his time playing video games or someone who does not like children.

3)  How serious do I want to be?

Are you looking for someone fun to hang out with, or are you looking for a relationship to lead to marriage? You, and only you, are the one to answer this question.

4)  What do I want from my next partner?

What are you looking for from your next partner - love, emotional support, lifelong companionship? Or are you looking for someone to help support you financially or to be with you so you do not have to be alone? If you are looking for either or both of the second set of reasons, you probably should re-examine your motives for wanting a relationship.

5)  Do I deserve to be loved?

This one is so huge! Yes, of course we all deserve to be loved. BUT… and I’ve said this a million times to so many… you need to be happy with yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship. Some things to think about:

          Are you happy with yourself?

          Do you have self-confidence in the way you look and feel?

          Do you think you’re good enough to make a partner happy?

          Do you think you’re smart enough?

          Funny enough?

6)  What are the top three characteristics I want in a partner?

What are the three greatest demands you would have of your partner? Would he need to be a gentleman? Should she be able to cook? Look past the superficial and think about the things you would want to sustain a relationship 50 years into it.

Again, only you can figure this out.

7)  Am I over my last relationship?

 HUGE…HUGE…HUGE… with so many people. I’ve known men AND women who aren’t even divorced that are dating because they can’t stand the thought of being alone. Or they have other reasons, but it is not healthy.  To the people out there who seek out new relationships when the old one isn’t completely finished (divorce, specifically), please understand that you need to heal from the wounds of that relationship. You may even have a great relationship with your soon to be ex, but there is still damage that needs to be healed before you can move into a new, healthy relationship.

8)  How can this person make my life better?

The person you are dating should bring out the best in you, making you feel stronger, happier and more confident. The person you are dating should not be putting you down (even jokingly), making you feel bad about yourself or abusing you in any way. If the person you are dating does not make you a better person, should you be dating them?  

9)  Am I dating this person because I am interested in them?

Before committing to an exclusive relationship, ask yourself if you see the potential for true love, for a lifelong relationship. If you do not see that potential, it is possible that you are filling your time because you do not want to be alone.

10)  Does my potential mate believe in Jesus?

If you love the Lord and want to raise your children with the same beliefs, this needs to be a conversation very early on. There is no point getting into a relationship that will not last because of differences in beliefs. Missionary dating is highly dangerous for the Believer, because of the potential for influence outside of the belief system. Whatever your beliefs are, make sure you and your potential partner share the same beliefs.

http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/Relationships/10-Questions-to-Ask-Before-Getting-into-a-New-Relationship.aspx?b=1