Guard Your Heart

What exactly does that mean to a single person? My visual mind says to build a brick wall, behind a heavy metal door locked with a huge padlock. Keep my heart guarded from the things of this world, and most of the people who would desire to cause harm to me. I don't mean to never let anyone close to you, but to use caution. It is so easy to have your heart broken by someone who did not have your best interests in mind. This is why God calls us to guard our hearts. As a matter of fact, GOD will do the guarding for us, if we let Him. ‘Be anxious for nothing’ (Phil. 4:6) is so hard for us. We want to be married, have children, a family of our own.

I've asked youth this question- and the people who date just to have a significant other. Why would you want to give your future spouse a bag of pieces leftover from the broken hearts you have suffered through the years? Wouldn't you want to give him/her your whole heart?
 
I don't advise being in serious relationship after serious relationship. You are not doing yourself good, nor the other person involved. If you have kids, it is SO important that those children are protected from their own heartbreak over a broken relationship. I've decided my son will not spend a significant amount of time with someone I am dating, especially not in the first 4-6 months. I want to make sure the relationship is real, and he would be someone I would be willing to spend the rest of my life with.  I do not want my son to get attached to every guy I know, because he does. He wants a ‘daddy’ so bad, and his 7 year old mind doesn’t grasp that God is his Daddy right now. God knows what we both are seeking. I know He will show me when the time is right.

I think it is nice that men want to befriend my boy, but I hope they understand why I won't allow it. I just cannot have him hurting over the guy who isn't there anymore. It is very easy to get attached to children and not their mom (or dad) - Jerry McGuire anyone? - then end up hurting the children more because that person they grew close to is now gone. It really isn't fair to the children, and anyone worth his/her salt will understand that.

When I feel it is not threatening to my mental, physical or emotional health, I will go out with a man a few times to see if he is who God wants me to continue to get to know. And believe me, I know! I was questioned by a man a few months ago as to whether or not I prayed before 'letting him go.' It is a CONSTANT state of prayer, especially when dealing with a man (or woman, depending on your gender). This one in particular was a possible threat to my mental and emotional health, and I felt it was best not to pursue anything further with him. He was quite upset and could not understand my decision to not pursue a relationship with him. He did not understand how his lack of boundaries and his obsessive behavior over my every move was disturbing.

So, I guarded my heart (and mind, if you must know).

Communicating in the “electronic” age

This post is inspired by an article I received via email earlier today. The article is mostly hanging men out to dry for 'E-Maintaining' women, either by text, email or social media. I completely agree with the article. On the flip side, there are women who are just as guilty, so don’t slam me on this. I also do not deal well with someone who will text me about 5 seconds after I call them to ask what I want. Really? You couldn’t just pick up the phone? (Caveat: @ work or otherwise busy might be excusable occasionally) 

MY (b/c it is my blog) problem with this is men who think it is okay to never call, that I will be satisfied with a text, email or facebook comment/like/poke from them. While I am comfortable in this electronic age, I prefer to be courted the old-fashioned way. If any man thinks I will respond to random texts that have no meaning, where they do not respond to questions, ask questions, or show ANY kind of interest, he’s crazy. I actually asked someone last week if he was the kind of guy who always texted, and never called. His response was that he was at work and would be made fun of if he was “caught talking to a girl.” Seriously? I’m not asking you to drop your life to call me right this second, but wanted to know if you make the effort to actually call women (and he still hasn't called, so I think I answered my own question??). I’ve dealt with too many men (boys) who will only text occasionally, but still get upset or act like a child when I don’t respond to their attempt at communication. Or he will say “but I AM talking to you.” Text, email and facebook don’t count, sweetie.

Yes, maybe I am ranting a little, but I honestly get tired of men who claim to make an effort and don’t actually do anything. I’m not a teenager. Asking me out on a text message will get a silent response. And teenage girls? You shouldn’t put up with that either. God put us on earth to honor each other, and in today’s world, that just doesn’t happen too often.

MEN…

Make an effort to appreciate the woman you are interested in. Don’t play games. Don’t expect her to respond favorably if the only attempt at communication you make is non-verbal. CALL her and ask her out. Show her you are interested. If she doesn’t live close (within an hour or so), show her you are interested by going to see her, or sending flowers or calling. Or something. Anything that says “you caught my eye and I want to know you better.”  I hate the rule of ‘wait X days before calling or you will appear too eager.’ Don’t stalk her, but follow-up. It really is okay to communicate via text/email/facebook, but don’t let that be the ONLY way you talk to her. Be honest. Don’t be intimidated by a woman who has an opinion or a brain. Open doors for her. Ask her opinion on things. Bring her flowers. Listen to her when she is talking. Notice her clothes/hair/manicure.. it makes her feel special.

WOMEN…

Don’t blow them off. If you aren’t interested, let the guy know – but gently. Don’t crush his spirit. He did try, you know. If you are interested, don’t play games with him. Answer the phone when he calls, or call him back within a reasonable amount of time (i.e. don’t wait a week). Don’t get hysterical if he doesn’t do things the way YOU think he should. People are different, that is what makes this world interesting. Don’t stalk him, trying to find out if he is interested in you, you will just scare him. Be yourself. Eat real food, not just salad. Don’t pretend to be interested in something because the guy is.. you will just look phony. Be honest. Don’t be afraid to be who you are, a woman with an opinion and a brain. Let a man open doors for you, it doesn’t mean you are weak; he is showing he can/will care for you. Listen to him when he talks.. if you shut him down from the beginning, you have no right to claim he won’t talk to you in the future. Thank him when he does something nice for you.

These are just a few things… I’m sure there are more bits of advice to offer. Anyone else want to chime in?

I PRAY FOR HIM

I thought about him again this morning and prayed. I asked God to bless him with a good day, for him to be safe, to focus where he should.  I asked that God put thoughts of me in his head, so that he would pray for me too. I already love him, this man I will marry. I love the person he is and the one he is constantly becoming.

I don’t live in the world of fantasy, I live in reality. I know there will be fights over really stupid things, and differences we will have to deal with, struggles that come along.

That being said.. I am a romantic. I’ve never truly been “in love.” I have had quite a few crushes, but I’ve been waiting for the right one to come along (so far, he hasn’t). I am convinced no obstacle will keep us apart, whether that be distance or other life circumstances. Why do I know these things? Because my God wants to give me the desires of my heart and my desire is to be married, and create a complete family. God knows this. He knows the deepest longing in my heart. Thankfully I am not willing to settle, not willing to just let any guy into my life and the life of my little guy. That guy I won't settle for would not be the right one for us.

I pray for him though. Whenever he crosses my mind during the day. I wonder what he is doing at that moment. I wonder if he is struggling and wish I could support him through it. I wonder if he is traveling, and wish I could be there with him to explore new places. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to come home at the end of the day to this man and be able to tell him the things I wish I could talk about, but that no one else would understand. This man will.. and if he doesn't, at least he will pretend well :)

These things may sound silly to some of you who have been through struggles in relationships, but they do not to me. I am excited to see where this road I am on leads, and what new things are in store. I'm not worried about tomorrow (for God is already there, right?) because it is all under control of the One who is greater than anything else in this world. And for now, HE is all I need. When I finally am with the man God created just for me, HE will sustain us through everything.

So for now, I. PRAY. For. Him.

Don't Give Up

"Don't Give Up" by Sanctus Real (2006)

I heard you say you would love for a lifetime
Now you complain a lifetime just doesn't feel right for you
Another casualty of casual love
Another soul out of place, a heart that gave up

Why do we break the promises we make?
Are we living for ourselves?

I think (myself included, if I am being honest) everyone lives for themselves. I mean, look at how rude we have gotten – as a whole – in society. People don’t send thank you notes anymore, they face book. People don’t RSVP to something (from a party to a wedding) and show up anyway, even though you haven’t planned for them. People cancel plans at the last minute because something better came along. Oh.. and don’t get me started on people who are chronically late. I had a friend in Nashville who couldn’t be on time to save her life.. She was never less than 2 hours late to everything. I remember being downtown one night waiting on her, and calling every 15 minutes to see where she was. I finally left… it was 3 hours later. (I think I was kind being that generous while she wasted my time) I think forgetting details of something is just as bad.. write them down, people! Doesn’t everyone have a smart-phone of some sort today? All of them come loaded with calendars, so put information into those things and set an alarm on it. Then you don’t forget where you are supposed to be. And please, don’t over-commit, “just in case.” That is just as annoying. (ALRIGHT, alright..I’m off the soapbox.)

[Chorus:]
Don't give up on love and throw it all away
Don't give up on love and let it fall away
When did it become so easy to run from your pain
Don't give up on love and throw it all away

I heard you say you can't change a stubborn heart
I can relate 'cause that's how I feel when I talk with you

Can’t change a stubborn heart, huh? Since I have been writing this blog, people of all ages and stages in life have asked my thoughts on dating. I tell them there has to be a set of rules that are adhered to by both people involved in the relationship. If there is even the slightest unbalance, then the relationship will crumble. I’m talking about specific things that are important to both partners: sex before marriage, alcohol/drug consumption, children, religious background, and political views and so on. Not that everything has to be perfect,, BUT.. if I meet a guy who doesn’t want children, but tells me he does (you know, cause of the child I already have) and we fall in love and get married – then what? He ignores my son? Treats him badly? That is a complete deal-breaker for me. I can handle someone having different political views as long as he doesn’t put mine down or belittle my opinions. That is just childish.

Why should it take losing everything
to realize it might be time to change?

Sometimes we have to lose it all to realize the problem really might be within ourselves.

[Chorus:]

Your restless heart won't win 'cause you take but you don't give
And you'll keep moving on until you learn what love is

I see too many people who live like this. You see it in the Hollywood tabloids all the time. Brad Paisley even sings about it. I know people who walk away from a marriage because they refuse to give in, and some people just are not capable of giving of themselves.

Don't give up on love and throw it all away
Don't give up on love and let it fall away
Don't give up on love

God doesn’t want us to give up on love because we have been hurt, abandoned, abused or whatever has happened in the past. Yes, some things need recovery time, but that doesn’t mean you view every member of the opposite sex as evil. Nothing irritates me more than being lumped in with women who are bad to their men. Not all women are bad! The men who view all women as evil and vile are just as immature as the women who do the same to men. Not every person is bad. Yes, there are many bad apples out there, but not all women/men are bad because of one (or more) experience(s) with a bad one.

My point is, don’t give up. There is most likely someone out there for you, unless God has called you to be single. No matter what He wants from you in your life, at this point in time, if you are single, then that is where you are supposed to be. It doesn’t matter what your aunt’s cousin’s brother’s sister-in-law’s mom said about you finding a spouse and settling down with the white picket fence and 2.5 kids.

Where you are currently is okay. It’s okay with God and it should be okay with you. If it isn’t, then pray about it and see where God is taking you.



He hem…. I want to interrupt this song for a moment and discuss what we see all around us these days. Marriage and divorce, both out of convenience or misery, depending on how you look at it. This is not how God intended marriage to be. Marriage born out of lust then shattered when one or both partners find another object to lust after, then they divorce. OR someone gets bored. Or one of the partners decides they don’t want to be a parent anymore. There are so many reasons for divorce these days… what exactly are “irreconcilable differences” anyway?