Experiences

There are experiences that happen to us throughout our lives that seem to never really…

go away.

Those experiences are usually full of heartbreak and pain, and can affect how we live or how we allow others into our lives. Or don’t.

I’ve had some of those. More than I care to recall or really talk about. There have been very few people I have shared some of these experiences with. Only one to whom I showed the true emotion behind the story. I was grateful that what I shared was not dismissed.

It can, in those times, be impossible to deal with the things that affect us so deeply, especially when we feel alone. Sometimes it feels like God just isn’t enough, like talking to Him about the problem or emotions never really make it better.

God IS enough, and He DOES make it easier, with time. We all know the answers God gives, even when the answers we seek are generally not the ones we want, or they don’t come when we ask for them.

It helps to remember that God is all knowing, and will provide for us. He does know what is best, even if it doesn’t feel like it to us at that moment.

“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” –Washington Irving

Rollercoaster Life

This is one of those times I wish I had that cool little pointing finger... why this picture? Cause it seems to fit my life. UPs and DOWNs and TURN YOU UPSIDE DOWNs kind of life. 

I've got a confession to make. I'm not always the nicest person (especially on the inside).

I think bad thoughts about people - and sometimes my inside voice becomes my outside voice (and usually makes my coworker spit his coffee out because he's laughing at whatever I've said).  I don't like thinking bad thoughts about people, but my brain tells me sometimes they...just deserve it.

Sometimes I think I'm better than others. Other times I just don't want to be around people. And I find I get annoyed really quickly. Darn it... sometimes people are just rude and annoy the heck out of me!

I'm not saying these things to get the "I feel that way too" thing. I'm saying it because I don't really like how I can get and think it needs to change.

Four years ago, when I go back from Iraq, I was probably the strongest spiritually I have ever been as an adult. That lasted for a little over two years. Things happen. Feelings get hurt. Intentions are misunderstood. "Church" people start pointing fingers. So I stepped back. And at the same time, started stepping away from my relationship with Christ as well.

More things happen..and I get it figured out.

Found out some people just want to blame you because of WHO you are.

I survived... I thrived... and now, my life is far better for the valley I have (put myself into) gone through.

And now... now I recall somewhere in the Bible (not a scholar on this subject, folks) God tells us He is the one who will provide retribution for the wrongs done against His people. Granted, the context may be completely wrong, but at the same time, there are things I see that go on that make me believe this fully. I will most likely never know the way God set things right, but I do know He loves me.

He cares for me.. and sees to my every need.  Like tonight, I was feeling off kilter and needed that bit of reassurance, and found it just a few minutes after I asked Him for it. That reassurance was exactly what I needed to hear and it was in exactly the right moment.

God is AMAZING and comes through for us every single time.

Opportunity

Today was a Monday. It was a good Monday. I laughed a lot, cried a little. Found some peace where I wasn't expecting to find it.
I think it slightly odd that I would find peace in helping someone through a situation they  have gotten themselves into. I hear Truth in the words they speak, as if God is also speaking to me.

I've been given an opportunity, one to grow and to help another to grow as well. Philippians tells us we are to find strength in all we do, and that strength must come from Christ and Christ alone.

Christ is with us through everything we encounter, whether great joy or great suffering. As a single person, sometimes we encounter more sorrow than joy - or so it seems.

God has this funny way of making everything work out okay, and it is always better than what we imagined for ourselves.

Kutless ROCKS!!!!!!

That MOMENT…

Have you ever been talking to someone (who has expressed interest) and then something was said and WHAM! You realize he/she is not who you thought they were.

Then the MOMENT arrives. You make the decision. He/She is NOT for you.  

I had that moment recently.

It was a surprise moment.

I was not completely surprised by the decision I made, because I already had realized something was off. BUT, thought I would at least give it a chance, and then was not unhappy when I figured it out.

Mostly I was relieved that there is no façade to play along with. I do not like doing that, and get very stressed out when I feel the need to be “nice” to someone because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

I’m over that now.

Do you ever get tired of dating? I mean, seriously. It can be AWFUL out there.  Those websites are great… if you have no standards (even the Christian ones).  Sometimes it just does not seem even worth the effort. I know someone who is on four of them.. yes, I said FOUR. HOLY COW!?!?!? Desperate? Lonely? I have no idea. And then he likes to tell me about the women he meets, but has a problem with each one of them. Um, maybe the problem is..Oh I don’t know….HIM????

I am who I am. Tough. Smart. Motivated. I have goals and a place I want to get to in life. It would be nice to have someone walk along beside me (in the form of husband), but to this day, that is so far out of reach I have decided not to even worry about it.

Basically, I won’t change who I am for anyone. It isn’t worth losing myself. I respect myself too much for that little mind trap.

Remember one of my first posts about the platitudes I can’t stand? Yeah, still don’t want to hear them.

Why can’t Captain America be real?

(Sorry folks.. a little emotional this evening..tired of dealing with some stuff)

Make It Good...

Ever have those days when you are so emotionally depleted you just cannot…absolutely… refuse…to drag yourself out of bed? 

I have.. but I remember I need to get up so I can feed the child who depends on me. There are some days I just want nothing to do with the world (and no, I’m not depressed or anything) because I am so tired.

And sometimes you wonder who will be there for you when you need to talk…or need a hug…or just someone to sit with you who won’t expect anything from you.

Ok, enough with the sad and depressing part of life we all manage to experience at times.. doesn’t mean anything more than just a bad day most of the time. And it’s okay to have those, and be mad at the world, and rant and rave about how life is unfair or whatever the reason may be.

I heard a song yesterday that has been stuck in my head – this one is a good one –and decided it is my morning song (somehow so appropriate) from now on.

As singles, we can feel alone when going through with stressful situations. Don’t forget you always have someone you can talk to in our Heavenly Father. He will always listen and is far more patient than our so-called friends who would rather talk about themselves than listen to someone else’s problems. Haven’t we got enough problems in society without making others feel unloved?

So my recommendation (I’m NOT a doctor..or therapist…or mental health professional of any kind) is to start your day with Mandisa and her vocal talents.. if this song doesn’t get your face smiling and your feet tapping.. Well, I don’t know what would J

Have a GOOD MORNING!

Deceit Comes in Many Forms....

I’m back! I took a slight detour, have been busy with school and other things, but here I am, stronger than ever.

For my first blog in about two months, I wanted to write about how people can be deceitful. Deceit comes in many forms.. a white lie you tell to protect someone’s feelings, the pen you took from work because you liked it, or worse, the lie you tell yourself to ‘justify’ whatever it is you are doing.

I recently discovered deceit in someone I know, and to be honest, I was shocked. The justification and lies this person has told to be able to do the things he is doing is amazingly intertwined with thoughts of how right he is. This person is arrogant in his thoughts of how he can do these selfish things. He is in conflict with others who have confronted him over this, yet is angry with these people because they are telling him the truth and he does not want to hear it.

God does not do arrogance.. if anyone has the right to be arrogant, it is ONLY God. HE is the one who created us, created the earth and everything living thing on and in it. God will strike down the arrogant in His time and in His way. Nothing escapes Him, and no sin gets past Him. Ultimately, this person will feel the wrath of God’s divine judgment, and will have to explain why he thought he could get away with the things he is doing.

We all have the ability to deceive, and typically we will all deceive at least one person on a daily basis. I know I do (especially when I’m telling my boy there are no more cookies and I secretly have a few held back til after he goes to bed) and I know my sin nature is capable of far more. I try to keep it on the straight and narrow, but I’m not always successful. More often than not, I’m a walking failure. I do my best not to dwell on it, and pray I do better, but it is inevitable that I will fail. I’m only human. Thankfully I have a loving Heavenly Father who will accept me as I am.

Nothing is more deceitful than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast. --Jane Austen