Through the Eyes of a Child

My son is telling me about his Christmas list, and I thought I knew about everything that was coming until he said 'a dad.' My heart shattered at that point.

He says to me, "why don't you have a boyfriend, mom?"

I told him, as I have several times before, that God just hasn't put the right man in our lives yet. (I have often wondered this particular question as well).

I told him I could have any boyfriend I wanted at the snap of my fingers, but THAT guy wouldn't be good enough. Not even close. And he wouldn’t be the right one for us either.

I didn't tell him that I have given up.

It's true. I'm tired of being disappointed.. By these males who want to call themselves men.. But they don't know how to treat women, or be honest - with themselves or anyone else. Or they expect the woman to do the chasing and put all of the effort into a relationship.

I don't think it is worth it to put anything above my relationship with Christ - a relationship I've been neglecting because I've been so focused on finding an earthly relationship. This is a frustrating factoid, but one I think many people deal with. Being lonely is not a great part of life, and it is hard to face holidays – or any time of year, really – when you are single. Being around family isn’t much better, especially if everyone is married or paired off. Then it just gets thrown in your face on a more personal level.

 

Philippians 4:10-12 (NASB)

¹⁰ But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. ¹¹ Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. ¹² I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

My innocent child said he was going to ask Santa for a boyfriend for me (love how the world works though a child’s eyes).

I suppose if Santa wants to stick a real man in my stocking, so be it.

The Morph Factor

Don’t you just love it when all is going reasonably well? I know what you are thinking – it generally means the other shoe will drop and then something like a nuclear bomb goes off in your life. I prefer to think positive and know that no matter what, my faith in Christ gets me through those rough times (even if I do get a little whiny about it).

Have you not found that, even when the world is falling apart around you, everything seems to work out, in ways you never expected? It seems to happen like that for me all the time. I’m not better than anyone else, nor are there any magical powers involved here. Positive thinking and lots of faith, which is the only way to get through sometimes.

I recently had a moment. It was one of those things where I remembered something about myself, something I thought I had lost. I remembered – I choose who I am, and I like me for who I am. The only one I really need to worry about impressing or serving is Christ. I also remembered that I am the only one who can allow another person to take that away from me, and letting someone take away part of who I have chosen to be is also a choice.

When we get involved in a relationship, whether romantic or platonic, we can lose who we are by trying to impress this other person or show how similar we are to each other. I’ve seen this more in romantic relationships (because really, in friendships it can be just creepy – think Single White Female!!). Boy meets girl, they like each other, then one or both of them start taking in the other’s habits and the morph into someone you never really were to begin with starts to happen.

This is a great sign of an unhealthy relationship. No, I’m not a professional, and I’m not talking about marriages. I’m talking about single people who meet someone then start doing everything that person is doing just so you can please them.. or something like that. I’m honestly not sure why this happens with certain people. Maybe it is low self-esteem? Or one person thinks another won’t like them if they don’t have the same interests. Either way, allowing someone else’s interests, opinions, beliefs, political beliefs, etc, to influence the way you act, think or feel is wrong.

Funny story.. awhile back an ex reconnected with me, supposedly to apologize for his behavior. After sitting down with him for 5 minutes, I realized he had not changed one bit. He was still really arrogant, and told me the reason he stopped calling was because "I figured if you wanted to talk to me, you would call me." That is a true story. The levels of immaturity in people are amazing sometimes. He wanted me to be something I wasn't and even told me we were "never going to talk politics" because our views were polar opposites.

Be strong enough to have your own opinions and views. Sure, it is great if what you think and believe matches up with someone else’s, but don’t change something fundamental about yourself just because a person you are interested in does things a certain way.

1 Peter 4:11 (NASB)

¹¹ Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen

What is Love?

What is love? How do we truly see ‘love’ here with our earthly eyes?  Do we ever really see, like the words in Brandon Heath’s song “Give Me Your Eyes,” or do we continue to see with our human eyes, and block out the stuff that does not appeal to us?

I’m not necessarily talking about the love between a man and a woman, although I will get to that in a moment. I’m talking about the pain we are able to see in others, or the hurt, anger, embarrassment, shame, or even the hate. All of those things can be seen if we truly see with God’s eyes instead of our own.

(excerpt from Brandon Heath’s Give Me Your Eyes)

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see

I still am not able to completely do this, and I feel it will be a long time. I have a confession. I’m not good at compassion. I am, but in my own way. I see it logically and try to find a way to make it better.

I received two phone calls today, both with some difficult news. One of my dear friends found out she had a terrible loss. Another good friend has gone through some difficulty lately and loss of her own, and in a sense, is now losing another important part of her life. I don’t ever seem to know what to say when someone loses something or someone precious to them. I feel uncomfortable talking about it, and so I see if there is some way to fix the problem. Generally, there isn’t. I love both of these ladies very much and can do absolutely nothing in one situation, but I can offer advice from experience in the other. And I am so very glad to be able to do so.

When it comes to compassion in a relationship between a man and a woman, I also am out of practice. Well, I’m not sure when I would have gotten practice since I haven’t been in a real, meaningful relationship in over 15 years. Yeah, I know, long time. I’m the person you go to if you want the really real truth about something.. not the one you go to for a shoulder to cry on. I wonder how my friends have patience with me when I’m the one needing someone to talk to. Thankfully they are straight-forward with me as much as I am with them and others.

I believe that being told what you want to hear is not psychologically healthy, because the lies – even white lies – are not good for anyone. No one should EVER try and hurt someone’s feelings, but everyone should be as honest as possible with the people they care about. Jesus never lied when He was asked about various subjects. Although it isn’t really covered in the Bible, I’m sure He was asked His opinions on different things. He answered in a loving manner (I’m working on mine, I swear!) with the truth. We should all do that.

Deuteronomy 6:4-5 (NASB)

⁴ “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one!
⁵ You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

Good to Be Alive

Wow… it’s been awhile. There has been A LOT going on the past few weeks, so I’ll try not to get too crazy.

I have been doing much soul searching recently, and have not really come to any outstanding conclusions. I know, shocker, right?

I wonder.. do we always need some kind of epiphany when we do soul searching? Why can’t we just find ourselves at peace with who we are?

I like who I am. I don’t want to change who I am at the core for anyone.

This means I won’t change my religious beliefs (Want some Jesus, anyone? He’s amazing!).

I won’t change my political beliefs, nor will I stop being active in the political process – as long as we have a political process, that is.

I won’t change into someone I’m not to make someone like me, because if I am not liked for who I am, then what is the point?

I am at peace with me. I have a pretty good sense of humor. I am an outstanding cook/baker/culinary artist. I am creative. I am a mother. I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I like to have fun. I love my job. I love school. Sometimes I get a little crazy. Sometimes I like being alone. I love music. I am outspoken and not afraid to say what I think.

So, love me or don’t. THIS is something I have realized. What others think of me is not MY problem. It is theirs. It took a long time to get to that point, but the freedom that comes from not worrying about what everyone else thinks is awesome. I only need to worry about what Christ thinks of me.

Check out this song… it so fits everything I feel right now. And it is amazing!