My son is telling me about his Christmas list, and I thought I knew about everything that was coming until he said 'a dad.' My heart shattered at that point.
He says to me, "why don't you have a boyfriend, mom?"
I told him, as I have several times before, that God just hasn't put the right man in our lives yet. (I have often wondered this particular question as well).
I told him I could have any boyfriend I wanted at the snap of my fingers, but THAT guy wouldn't be good enough. Not even close. And he wouldn’t be the right one for us either.
I didn't tell him that I have given up.
It's true. I'm tired of being disappointed.. By these males who want to call themselves men.. But they don't know how to treat women, or be honest - with themselves or anyone else. Or they expect the woman to do the chasing and put all of the effort into a relationship.
I don't think it is worth it to put anything above my relationship with Christ - a relationship I've been neglecting because I've been so focused on finding an earthly relationship. This is a frustrating factoid, but one I think many people deal with. Being lonely is not a great part of life, and it is hard to face holidays – or any time of year, really – when you are single. Being around family isn’t much better, especially if everyone is married or paired off. Then it just gets thrown in your face on a more personal level.
Philippians 4:10-12 (NASB)
10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. 11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.My innocent child said he was going to ask Santa for a boyfriend for me (love how the world works though a child’s eyes).
I suppose if Santa wants to stick a real man in my stocking, so be it.
Let me rephrase this..
ReplyDeleteAre your expectations set so high as to deny your son what his heart really needs?
As a male struggling with some of the same things but from the other side, I'd say you might need to look at your "picker". I know I (continuously) need do. Even when I think I won't make that same mistake with the previous relationship, the possibility to make it is still right there.
ReplyDeleteAs for the being lonely, I can guarantee you that there are plenty of people in relationships, whether marriage or other, that get just as lonely as singles do, sometimes more (especially if they entered the relationship hoping to fill that void). A relationship with "someone" is simply not the answer to fill that void. We, as Christians, know what the answer is. It's just difficult not to get caught up in people and things.
The thing that seems to put a lot of fear in me is the thought that God may want me to remain single for life in order to serve Him better. It's possible ya know! And I haven't come to terms with that, if that's what he wants from me.
Frank - I am NOT intentionally denying my child a father. His own father did that with the choices he made. The men I have met are not qualified for one reason or another. I have my standards, and will not lower them just so I can be dating someone. I've done that before and it obviously hasn't worked out.
ReplyDeleteMarty - what do you mean by 'picker?'
I just meant how you decide who you are going to date.
ReplyDeleteAlso you could look at how your dating stages progress. There is a healthy dating progression and I know I haven't followed it. If your interested, I can look up these "stages" of dating using by counselors. I have a copy. They are actually very good in my opinion. Following them (for me) is another story :)
This is very good discussion for Christian singles groups. We're all human and therefore sinners and we WILL make mistakes. I think as we follow Christ, things will change without us even realizing it. But it takes time and of course it's in God's time. The exhausting thing sometimes for me is feeling like I've got so far to go since just really being saved not that long ago. Before that, I never was searching as hard as I should have been and was even practically atheist for periods. I feel there's no excuse for me to do that now. I'm here to stay regardless of what happens in my personal (human) relationships. I owe Him everything. All that being said, I'll still search for a partner. I think He is fine with that as long as it's on His terms. :)