Don’t you just love it when all is going reasonably well? I know what you are thinking – it generally means the other shoe will drop and then something like a nuclear bomb goes off in your life. I prefer to think positive and know that no matter what, my faith in Christ gets me through those rough times (even if I do get a little whiny about it).
Have you not found that, even when the world is falling apart around you, everything seems to work out, in ways you never expected? It seems to happen like that for me all the time. I’m not better than anyone else, nor are there any magical powers involved here. Positive thinking and lots of faith, which is the only way to get through sometimes.
I recently had a moment. It was one of those things where I remembered something about myself, something I thought I had lost. I remembered – I choose who I am, and I like me for who I am. The only one I really need to worry about impressing or serving is Christ. I also remembered that I am the only one who can allow another person to take that away from me, and letting someone take away part of who I have chosen to be is also a choice.
When we get involved in a relationship, whether romantic or platonic, we can lose who we are by trying to impress this other person or show how similar we are to each other. I’ve seen this more in romantic relationships (because really, in friendships it can be just creepy – think Single White Female!!). Boy meets girl, they like each other, then one or both of them start taking in the other’s habits and the morph into someone you never really were to begin with starts to happen.
This is a great sign of an unhealthy relationship. No, I’m not a professional, and I’m not talking about marriages. I’m talking about single people who meet someone then start doing everything that person is doing just so you can please them.. or something like that. I’m honestly not sure why this happens with certain people. Maybe it is low self-esteem? Or one person thinks another won’t like them if they don’t have the same interests. Either way, allowing someone else’s interests, opinions, beliefs, political beliefs, etc, to influence the way you act, think or feel is wrong.
Funny story.. awhile back an ex reconnected with me, supposedly to apologize for his behavior. After sitting down with him for 5 minutes, I realized he had not changed one bit. He was still really arrogant, and told me the reason he stopped calling was because "I figured if you wanted to talk to me, you would call me." That is a true story. The levels of immaturity in people are amazing sometimes. He wanted me to be something I wasn't and even told me we were "never going to talk politics" because our views were polar opposites.
Be strong enough to have your own opinions and views. Sure, it is great if what you think and believe matches up with someone else’s, but don’t change something fundamental about yourself just because a person you are interested in does things a certain way.
1 Peter 4:11 (NASB)
11 Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen
Julie this is an excellent post. However, I have to challenge a couple of things:
ReplyDelete1. You spent the entire blog discussing how we should never change our beliefs and who we are...how can you fault the "ex" for not changing who he was? If you knew that was who he was, why even agree to sit down with him?
2. Changing habits, beliefs, and interests is a very normal part of the formation of interpersonal relationships. Altering what we do (not necessarily who we are) is pretty standard, I think. Watching baseball, tanning, "free pie Wednesday" at Village Inn...all things that somebody may not do before, but now partakes in so that they can spend time with a new interest. I know you are probably talking about a fundamental change in one's beliefs or personality in order to cater to somebody else, which is not necessarily a good thing (but it might be). However, change is not only guaranteed, but necessary.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. It helps more than you know.
For the first part.. I should have gone into more detail. He was still arrogant, self-centered and thought I should change who I was to make him happy. It had been 4 years since I had seen him, so the main reason I sat down with him was to find out what happened (the end of the relationship came when he never communicated...ever.)
ReplyDeleteAs for the second part, yes, I do mean the fundamental change at our core, in beliefs and personality. I know changes take place as we age and learn and go through life. I'm not talking about the gradual process.. more so the core to "cater" to someone else, as you put it (very well, I might add).