Doing What I'm Told

Friday night I taught at my single’s group monthly meeting at my church. Initially, I was going to teach on fear and worry… but God had some other plans. See, I wanted to teach on fear and worry because of some things I was going through… see where I am going with this?

God has a bigger plan.

I was still trying to do that control thing, where it was all about me, and what I thought I needed to talk about… God yanked the reins and said to hold up, there is something else I want you to talk about.

**I also laugh when I think about the discussion I had over the fear and worry topic, because my friend said “maybe God doesn’t WANT you to know what you should teach on…give up control.”

It’s pretty cool, how He works. The feeling of peace and joy that I have had for the last week, and excitement for the BIG things God has in store for me…

On Saturday, I went to a baseball game followed by a Mercy Me concert, and the lead singer, Bart Millard, gave a message very similar to what God gave me the previous night. So similar, in fact, that two of the people who were at both events came up to me and commented on it.

God apparently wanted that message out there to reach someone. Perhaps more than one someone. Probably me.

Psalm 16 (NASB)

1 Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You.
² I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good besides You.”
³ As for the saints who are in the earth,

They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.
⁴ The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied;
I shall not pour out their drink offerings of blood,
Nor will I take their names upon my lips.

⁵ The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
⁶ The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.

⁷ I will bless the Lord who has counseled me;
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
⁸ I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
¹⁰ For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
¹¹ You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

VS 1-4, 7-8

SEEK GOD’S WILL – FIRST

·        Do not make choices or decisions and THEN ask God to bless them – that choice or decision may not be what God has planned or intended for you

·        Think about this: Is God in your driver’s seat, or have you placed Him in one of those Driver’s Ed cars where you still have the controls on the passenger side?  

·        ASK YOURSELF: 

 

o   What are some areas of your life that you have made a choice or decisions and then asked God to bless it? How did that turn out? What did you learn from it?

 

VS 5-6

FIND JOY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD – FIRST

 

·        When we place God first in our lives, the mere act of living gets a little easier.

·        This does not happen because God suddenly takes all of the trials and sufferings of being human away from us – quite the opposite actually. But now we have the Grace of Jesus guiding us, helping us to make decisions, and we do not have to walk alone.

·        Do you try to find joy in something other than God? (Stuff, people, things, money?)

·        ASK YOURSELF:

 

o   Does your relationship with God bring you joy? How so? Or does it bring you sadness, i.e. like you do not measure up to God’s standard? 

Habakkuk 3:17-18 (NASB)

¹⁷ Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
¹⁸ Yet I will exult in the Lord,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

 

The verse from Habakkuk says that even if things are not going our way, we should rejoice in the Lord, for He has saved us. God feeds the birds of the fields and knows the number of hairs on our heads… how can you think He would not care for you when you are going through tough times?

 

 

VS 9-11

 

HAVING THE SECURITY OF A BEING A BELIEVER VS A NON-BELIEVER

 

·        As Believers, we no longer have to be concerned for our eternity, it has already been decided.

·        Our joy comes from something other than the circumstances around us. Yes, there are times we allow the events or circumstances in our lives to run our emotions amuck, but once we remember that God has ultimate control over all things, our true source of joy reveals itself in our lives.

·        The object is to remember the true source of joy when we are going through tough times…

·       ASK YOURSELF:

 

o   How does understanding your eternal security impact your life on a daily basis?

 

 

 

These ASK YOURSELF sections are the questions I had the tables discuss on Friday night. I was listening to some of the discussion, and much was on relationships, which is normal for a singles group. One of the guys said he is a ‘bad picker’ (of women). I would say the same thing of myself, for the last couple of guys I have been involved with have not been… good – for one reason or another.

 

So, no matter what this passage or questions say to you, be listening for God to speak into your life. Allow Him to guide you and lead you to the life He has created for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take Me to Your Leader

I think it is interesting, in a way, how you see people once they have left your life. You can look at the things you learned from them, how you grew (or not), and perhaps even learned some things about yourself along the way.

Some leave a good impression. Others, well... Not so much.

The way you see them is not an attempt to put them on a pedestal or tear them down, depending on the circumstances, but perhaps it is God's way of showing us the things we chose to ignore when that person was active in our life. You know, those little things they did that were either annoying (or pleasing), thoughtless (or thoughtful), or just plain unkind (or considerate).
Do you recall some people who affected your life in some way? How do you remember them?

It takes wisdom, and sometimes God knocking us over the head, to realize things at times (usually with me it is the knocking over the head thing!!!). When it comes to people and how they treat us, I like to think most of them have good intentions, although it does not always work out that way.

When people leave our lives in the negative sense (by choice, not necessarily by death), it can be painful, but there is a blessing in the pain, because for some reason, I believe, God did not want that person in your life long term. Perhaps you were only meant to learn something from that individual, and grow in some way.

A recent realization of mine showed me something I was missing in my ‘paper man.’ This paper man represents the qualities and characteristics I am looking for in a husband. I came to the understanding that I was missing a very important quality in my previous paper men, which started out over 10 years ago with three legal pad sheets filled to overflowing… Now I’m down to about 10 lines. NOT because I have lowered my standards, but because I have realized that once these 10 or so things are fulfilled, the rest is natural and God blessed. A young lady I know has met the love of her life and she has said “God has way out dreamt me on this man.”  I know He will do the same for me.

I realized I never once put down 'LEADER' as a quality I was looking for.

Oh, I had Christian at the top of my list, but just because a man is a Christian doesn't always mean he is capable of being a leader in the home. I've seen far too many who lean one way or the other (too weak, too dictator-like).

When I talk of a leader as a husband, I am looking for a TRUE leader. Not the guy with the “my way or the highway” attitude, or the one who has a pride issue in his heart. A true leader is one who is strong enough to listen to his spouse, take her advice at times and understand he is not always right. A true leader knows he needs to listen to those he has charge over.

Now ladies, this is not cause for you to always think you are right either… just sayin…

 

Proverbs 2:1-3 (NASB)

1 My son, if you will receive my words
  And treasure my commandments within you,
² Make your ear attentive to wisdom,
  Incline your heart to understanding;
³ For if you cry for discernment,

Lift your voice for understanding;

 

Growing Pain

I am blessed with a good friend who has the ability to somehow voice what I cannot. Granted, he does not know me exceptionally well, but I think God has given him the ability to see into people. It is similar to the ability God has given me to read people and understand them.

He made me cry with what he said to me. NOT by being mean or anything like that, but by speaking truth to me in a moment when I needed it. He made me realize some things, and although it hurt, I needed it.

My friend also told me that I should voice my hurt and pain to God, that it is a form of worship. By opening myself completely to Him and allowing Him to come in and heal that wound, I place my faith and trust in Him.

He helps me put into words the things I don’t know how to say, and sees reason. Thankfully, he also has the ability to put perspective on things, and for some reason, I can be completely honest with him, because I’m not afraid he will judge me. So thank you, my friend. You know who you are J

I have entered a growing period. This is a time for me to completely submit to God, because there is one fault, one sin, I repeat on a consistent basis. This is one I’ve got to turn over because if I don’t, there will be no future with a happy ending for me.

I allow this particular sin to completely take over my life, and in many ways. I put other things off, and let this take control. Then, when it blows up in my face, I try to control that.

AND that’s yet another thing God is working on me… the great control freak. I try to control things. There, I said it. I try to control everything around me to the point of obsession, and I refuse to allow God to handle it, even though I SAY I let Him have it. I lie to myself. I lie to God.

And that, in and of itself, is sin.

So, my growing period. It will hurt. It will be painful. But on the other side of it is something amazing and beautiful. Because God knows ultimately what we need, and He wants to give it to us, but we have to completely surrender to Him.

 

 

 

On the Wings of Eagles

A few days ago I was in a place of sorrow, knowing a chapter of my life was closing, perhaps permanently. After getting confirmation of that last night, and having a time of sorrow and prayer over it, I decided it was for the best. I am sad over the situation, but cannot be angry, even though part of me really wants to be (and say mean, sarcastic and hateful things). But that is because I am a human, and thankfully, I am controlled by the Spirit.

I read Psalm 13 yesterday morning, but it did not really sink in until last night

Psalm 13 (NASB)

13 How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
² How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

³ Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
⁴ And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

⁵ But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
⁶ I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

I also recognized sin in my life this morning during my devotion time, and for that I am thankful.

I was not allowing God to fully work in my life, because I was trying to control the situation by focusing not on what God wanted, but on what I wanted, right or wrong.

Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)

³¹ Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

So now, I focus on God’s will for my life, and where He truly wants me to be.

And focus on the preparation for the next step in my life.

 

It's All About...the Results

Last week we had Vacation Bible School at church, and my routine changed. (I handled adult snacks for the adult workers).

I only exercised one day that week.

I’ve been working on my thesis.

Fires burning in the city and affecting friends.

I wasn’t eating as well as I normally do.

Personal life challenges.

So by Thursday, I was a wreck. I was emotionally, physically and mentally drained.

I was talking to a friend and telling her how I wanted to just get rid of some emotional baggage in my life, and move forward. Just cut it all out and leave a giant gaping hole where that stuff once was.

Thankfully, she wasn’t exhausted and gave me some words of wisdom. Or made me realize that wisdom was already in my head, but I needed to voice it and see it written out (I'm a visual learner). She also told me that making decisions when I am that exhausted will lead to regret (She's right!!).

She asked me what God’s plan was for me, and this is what I told her:

God wants me to TRUST Him and have FAITH that His will is playing out in my life right now and I have to be completely and utterly dependent on Him while I wait.

I have already admitted that patience is not a virtue of mine. I know it isn’t. I have good moments, and I have bad. When I’m stressed, I tend to be less patient (as if it could get any worse!).

I’m only human… what can I say? I’m not perfect, by any means. I’m just who I am. All the things I’ve done in my life, all of the things I have seen, all of the things that have happened to me –good and bad –have made me who I am today.

God is working on that in me. He has made me realize some things in recent weeks, about who I am and who I want to be. He is still working on parts of me that I’m a little stubborn about. I’m coming around though… I don’t seem to have a choice. When God wants you to change some part(s) of you to become better for His kingdom, He keeps pulling at the thread til it unravels completely. Then you just wait for Him to knit it back together into a better piece of material.

I have realized some things about who I want to be once I have finished walking this path... more to come on that in the future.

The one thing I know I need to 100% realize, truly believe, and hold tight to is that God will ALWAYS be working in my life, as long as I am faithful to Him and His will for my life.

I will not be ‘perfect’ while I reside this side of Heaven. No one should expect that from me, because they will be sorely disappointed.

I will say the wrong things, or over-react because I can be a complete emotional girl at times, and not think straight. But when I come to realize what I’ve done and ask for forgiveness, it should be given to me.

The great deceiver loves to play games with our minds and our emotions, because he has been given that ability to do so by God. This is where we are tested. There are two results.

1. The Refiner’s Fire cleanses the impurities and makes you stronger.

2. You cannot tolerate the Refiner’s Fire, and are disintegrated.

I like to believe I fall into the first category, because I come out stronger (and sometimes wiser) on the far side of the fire.

Zechariah 13:9(NASB)

⁹ “And I will bring the third part through the fire,
Refine them as silver is refined,
And test them as gold is tested.
They will call on My name,
And I will answer them;
I will say, ‘They are My people,’
And they will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’”

One day, when I arrive in Heaven and finally lay my eyes on Jesus, I want to talk to Him about these times in my life, that I was tested and showed resolve to make it through the fire. I don’t want to ask why I was tested, because I already know the answer to that. What I want to know is, did I make Him proud?

I want Him to say to me, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Because really, that is what it is all about.

 

 

Be a Light

I have started reading in Jeremiah during my devotion time, as well as the Psalms. In my devotion this morning, I found that the people of Jerusalem turned their backs on God and His way of disciplined living, and as a result, they were destroyed by Babylon. God did tell them that if they found anyone who was honest, that He would spare the city, but no one honest could be found.

I see this happening in the United States today, and all over the world. There are still righteous people in every nation…

BUT

If Christians continue to be indifferent and not stand up for the right way of things, God WILL eventually judge us dishonest, because in reality, we are lying to ourselves. We must be the mouth and hands of God, following the Biblical example of how to live. God did not call us to live in a hole, hiding away from the world. He called us to be a ‘light!’

Matthew 5:15-17 (NASB)

¹⁵ nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. ¹⁶ Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

We all have the ability to shine, but we have to make the choice. God did not make us robots for a reason, but gave us the gift of free will. We have to choose how to use that. Some people abuse it, and live in the way of the world. They enjoy causing strife among Christians, and anyone they come in contact with.

There is also a minority that would like to strip away any mention of God in any way and this will continue if Christians do not take a stand. This is not just a problem in the United States, but all over the world. There will always be people who will try to say God does not exist and we Christians believe a fairy tale or history book, but I have SEEN evidence of God’s existence.

All I have to do is look out my front door at the mountains, see the sun rise every morning, see the rain and cooler temperatures come when we were not supposed to get any real rain for days.

I know my God is real.

He answers prayers, and is responsive to the faithful.

Go out and be a light...  

 

 

Burning Faith

There is smoke in the air…again…

My adopted city is burning…again…

I feel a huge sense of pride watching the military aircraft in the air, dumping water and flame retardant on this fire.

I feel sorrow for my friends who have lost their homes, and apprehension for the ones who don’t know yet.

I pray the fire moves north, so it can be contained where there are fewer homes and trees, and more grass.

I listen to the stories of those who have evacuated their homes and laugh at some of the antics of children, who are afraid, but who listen to their parents.

I love the sense of community, as I listen to the friend who tells the story of going back into his neighborhood and seeing an out of place vehicle. He tells how he followed it in his huge truck, staying on their bumper, waving at the 20 year olds inside when they would turn around to stare.

I stay concerned for friends who may have to evacuate, and keep them in my prayers. Particularly one friend who is also struggling with health challenges right now.

I am reminded of the fact that nothing happens without God’s hand involved. This is true in every aspect of our lives, from the little things to the big, life changing ones.

Nothing happens without His knowledge of the entire situation, from beginning to end. Trust and Faith are the key…

Trust God to fulfill His plan to His faithful

Have Faith that God will fulfill His promises

Rest in the knowledge that God has a plan, and it is a perfect one… even if it hurts a little

Alone??? Or not...

What does it mean when someone tells you they ‘feel alone’?

To me, I think it means they think they cannot find someone to talk to or hang out with. Some people need constant interaction with others in order to feel whole. Some people need less interaction with people and like some ‘me’ time. And then there are the people who can’t stand to be around other people – the introverts.

We are all different and all have a variety of needs when it comes to interacting with the world.

If you call yourself a Christian, God calls YOU to interact, no matter how difficult it is for you, or how much you do not like people.

I’ll admit, it is sometimes very difficult for me to be around certain people because I have the patience level of an ant… probably less than that actually. I struggle with them because they require more than I have to give at times, but God tells us to see people through His eyes. Maybe that person that needs so much attention is just really lonely and needing a friend. (I’m working on this… I promise).

Interaction with people is one aspect of the lonely vs being with people issue. There is a spiritual aspect of being alone as well.

God reminds us that fellowship with other Believers is a must in our faith, so that we do not become isolated and an easy target for the enemy. I have known people who think they must retreat inside themselves in order to handle some issue, but God does not want that from us. Especially in a full time, sulking, pity me state. If you feel yourself doing this, or you are aware that you do, make contact with other Believers so they can pray with you and for you. (A couple of months ago I received an email from a friend saying this is exactly what they were going to do in order to handle a situation. I wasn’t completely gentle in my response, but at this time, this friend needed to hear what I had to say in a way that would break through).

However, there are times God calls us to the hills so we can be alone with Him, so we have no distractions and can focus solely on what He needs to say to us. It is a good thing when He brings to our attention His desire for intimate communication with us. In this time, He wants to heal us, teach us and fulfill needs.

He DESIRES this time with us because He loves us. He wants to do good things for us.

Psalm 121:1-3 (NASB)

121 I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
² My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
³ He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.

 

Make sure you know the difference between the sulking alone thing and the one where God calls you to Him to bring you closer to Him. God WILL tell you... He likes to communicate and give us a feeling of peace when we are doing the right thing.

As a Christian, we must always remember we are not alone, because we always have Jesus. So no matter how down, how lonely or wherever you are, the valleys or the mountaintops, Jesus is there.

 

 

Faithful

Do you ever forget that God is faithful? Do you let fear and doubt enter your mind, working its way into your soul?

Sometimes I do. Then either a friend reminds me that I need to trust God, or God reminds me.

Hebrews 10:22-24 (NASB)

²² let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. ²³ Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; ²⁴ and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,

Fear is one of the tactics used by the devil. Actually, I believe it is his most favorite tactic to try and divert us from God, sowing seeds of doubt in our minds, which take root, and grow, spreading weeds of destruction in our lives. The devil uses everything in his arsenal to try and turn us away from God, but we must remain strong, faithful, fixing our eyes on things that are of God.

How do we do this? Paul tells us in Romans:

Romans 12:2 (NASB)

² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

 

Renew your mind, daily. This is a reminder to myself as well, because I’m walking along just fine, then all of a sudden, this spear hits me and fear starts to spread. Fear that I did not hear God’s promise to me, other fears that hold me captive to this unforgiving world. Then I have to take a deep breath and pray, asking God to remind me of His promise to me, His word I know to be true. The truth that other people have told me, reinforcing my faith in God’s promises.

I am NOT saying this is a cake walk. Oh my, no way! The devil is constantly trying to attack so that I might fall off of his cliff. Here is my weapon – my Jesus, He loves me. He DIED for me on a cross so that I might live. And I owe it to Him to live for Him, so that I might honor what He has done for me.

I’m not perfect. I mess up. I take things the wrong way, say the wrong things, do stuff that make people angry. But I acknowledge my mistakes and ask for forgiveness, both from the people I hurt and from God. I’m human. The cool part about this is, God teaches me through the things I do, the mistakes I make. I am faithful to Him, He is faithful to me.

 

Circumstances

“Circumstances are not always an accurate barometer of what is really going on. God is a master strategist and He will use every possible avenue to get you to where you need to be. He is building roads and creating rivers on your behalf. Trust His plan for you.”

So, I snagged this from facebook today, I can’t take credit for it. I find it interesting and timely for what I am going through right now. I was sick yesterday (bad food reaction – allergies and all that) so I stayed home and recovered. I spent a lot of time in prayer, and received answers to my prayers. Some of them, anyway. I needed a day like that.

It is funny, because God sometimes speaks in a clear, audible voice, and other times He is a little more subtle. Yesterday I got a clear, audible answer to one question… granted, it was not completely specific, but it was definitely clear enough for me to understand what He meant. And I have hope from that.

I firmly believe, if you are in God’s will, seeking God’s will, and trusting Him completely, He shows us glimpses of His plan for our lives. I have been privileged to see a glimpse or two, and am at total peace with where He is taking me.

We must always be cautious when listening for God’s voice, because the devil will take our vulnerability and use it against us, by using his own instruments (people) to tell us things that are manipulations of the truth. The devil is very skilled at this, and has been since time began. Well, since he decided to challenge God and then fell from Heaven. This is why we must always be on guard. If someone is telling you something, test it. How? Simple…

            He/She should have a true heart for God –shown by the way they live

            He/She should be able to back up what they say – with the Sword

            He/She should have YOUR best intentions at heart – not their own selfish motives

            He/She should be able to provide wise counsel – being wise is the key here

Isaiah 43:19 (NASB)

¹⁹ “Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.

Don't Buy Into the Lie

Did you know that society and the way we are told to ‘live’ is generally a lie? Society has taught us a bunch of very conflicting and skewed messages.

One of these is that love should be easy and you shouldn’t have to work for it. This is probably this biggest lie the devil has introduced into our society and into marriages. People tend to get married after knowing each other about five minutes (check almost every celebrity marriage) then they discover marriage really isn’t all about unicorns and rainbows.

In order to find out what makes a Christian marriage last, I asked Christian couples I know four questions. These were not designed to trap them in anything or make them say something they do not mean, but to find out, through a variety of years married, what they say is ‘key’ to keeping it together.

Those questions are:

1.      In your opinion, what does it take to make a marriage last?

2.      What have you discovered throughout your marriage that you wished you knew on your  wedding day?

3.      What are the top three things you would like to tell any couple thinking about marriage?

4.      Do you agree with this saying: marriage is about two people who want to work to be together?

Almost all of them, without fail, said God MUST be in the relationship from the start. Without a partner relationship based on individual relationships with Christ, it is difficult to imagine success. One person put it perfectly:

To experience the fullness of marriage and the wonder that it truly is, your heart must be regenerate and you have to be growing together as you, first and foremost, grow and mature in your faith.

I seriously, completely, totally love that statement.

I’ve heard this illustration before, and think it is vital to any relationship destined for marriage:

The idea is that the closer the individual husband and wife grow in their relationships to God, the closer they grow to each other. How beautiful is that?

Another common theme that came up is the amount of work it takes to make a relationship last. One person cannot sit around and eat bonbons all day while the other does all of the work. Okay, so maybe it is not bonbons, but other things that take away from the amount of time spent together as a couple and also with children (whether you have them already or not). I’ll admit, sometimes the husband/wife relationship is NOT 50/50. Sometimes it is 90/10. Sometimes 30/70. It is ALWAYS give and take, no matter what. The thing about it is, the giver and the taker should never be the same person all the time.

A third theme is humility. One person said patience, honesty, love and humility. I personally think those all tie together, because if you are being honest with your spouse, then you love them and are willing to exhibit (learn???) patience as you learn each other’s living habits. Humility comes into that with admitting when you are wrong, asking for forgiveness and giving in (not always getting your way) to your spouse. In the responses, it was said that marriage is “a journey to learn from and live together.”  I couldn’t agree more. I do want to caveat that ‘giving in’ to your spouse part with the fact that it should NEVER be one person always giving in to the other. This creates a manipulative relationship, which will implode at some point.

A fourth theme… romance. Now, I really like this one J I’m a complete romantic at heart and love the idea of being romanced until the day I die by my spouse. I have a sweet picture of my grandparents holding hands at their 50^th Wedding Anniversary party and just love it. I want that to be me and my spouse someday… Several of the responses were great, but my favorite is this:

"…if you really want a successful marriage, you need to approach every day as if you're still trying to win your spouse. We tend to take all the romance and service out once we get married and we tend to start taking one another for granted. The easiest way to be successful is constantly putting our spouse first."

I think this is so true. Forgetting why we fell for that person, putting kids before the spouse to the point where you don’t know your spouse anymore and ignoring the reasons why you married him/her in the first place can kill a relationship.

I want to point out one response I got. I wrote about it earlier this year and got a lot of flack from one person who had his interpretation of the passage a little off kilter. This is the response to the first question:

“I also believe that a proper understanding of Ephesians 5: 21-33 is foundational to a successful Christian marriage. There has to be an understanding on husband's and wife's parts that submission unto God-ordained authorities is commanded of every Christian (v. 21)--that the "mutual submission" idea that develops from a surface-level reading of that passage is not a call for husbands to submit to wives, parents to children, or masters to servants. Rather it is a call for us to submit to Christ and reverence His headship over all things and let that fear and wonder govern how we relate with others. That being said, the wife must understand that it is her Biblical mandate to submit to her husband--understanding that "submissive" does not mean "subservient." That she is to look to her husband the same way the Church is to look to Her Lord. Husbands aren't told to submit in return; their command is to love their wives exactly as Christ loves His Bride. Our call is to do everything we can to see to her spiritual well-being, basing it all on the Word of God (requiring the opening of said Word on more occasions than Sundays) reading and teaching The Word so that her spirit / faith is well-tended. Our call is to lay every self-serving desire or perceived need aside for her sake, that she might live...that she might grow in holiness (remembering that our ultimate goal is to be like Christ, whether we're married or not). Everything that the husband is should be devoted to loving sacrificially and leading spiritually his wife. If more couples entered into marriage with a better understanding of this passage, I believe many more marriages would start on better footing. Of course, if more seasoned couples would gain better understanding of Ephesians 5-6, a lot of things would change for the better.”

While these thoughts are not reflective of all marriages around the world, they are from people I know trust God and put total faith in Him to direct their lives.

This is where I am right now… trusting God, remaining content where I am and faithful to His Will for my life, whatever that may be, as painful as it can be. Trusting.