Face in the Mirror

I’ve not written in months – I know. I keep saying that. There is a lot going on internally and so I am just trying to keep it all together and process.

Do you ever feel like God has just abandoned you? It’s felt that way in my life for a while, especially when it comes to any potential relationships. When you pray and you pray, but are only getting the desert. When you’ve asked God to bring him to you, but He doesn’t. I know, timing is everything and God’s timing is perfect. There is this overwhelming desire to be a part of someone’s life, to finally be that priority, and it just isn’t fulfilled the way I think it should be.

And honestly, it just gets so boring, being alone all the time, and it certainly gets lonely.

When you get lonely, when you let your guard down, do you realize what happens? People come into your life. These people may not have the best intentions for you, and frankly, just want to use you. They start out all innocent, but end up being the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

I firmly and 100% believe (know) this is the devil trying to make us stray from the amazing life that God is leading us (me) to. Wherever God is leading, that is so much better than the distraction the devil is attempting to lead us (me) into. Me, really, I should say me. Because that is honest.

I’ve seen this happen, mostly to me (repeatedly), because I think all of these great things and I am a dreamer and a romantic (or I just can’t learn a lesson the first time, so it has to be repeated. And repeated-anyone else have this same problem? Good, raise those hands, don’t leave me hanging!). I believe good wins out in the end – and it does, in the big scheme of things. But in my life, good doesn’t always win and I end up with a broken heart. Again.

For the first time, I’m taking steps to protect myself before that broken heart becomes a reality. It is honestly the weirdest thing – I’m recognizing what is happening before it actually happens. And I’m seeing God’s protection in this whole situation too. It is pretty amazing.

Overcoming yourself (myself) is one of the most difficult things to do. I’ve found I can overcome the obstacles of other people, because I can ignore them. However, it’s a little hard to ignore the face in the mirror in the mornings.