This Reflection of Mine

The hardest part of all of this is the wait.

Waiting on God to answer.

Waiting to see what God is really trying to tell me. 

Waiting just to wait.

Seems so pointless sometimes, all of this waiting. I could go out and do exactly what I want without worrying about the consequences. . Except, that ends up making things a whole lot worse.

And then I’m right back at the beginning, waiting to let my broken heart heal once again.

I find it interesting, as you go about your day and meet people, or people are introduced into your life in some way. I’ve always had this romantic side, when I dreamed I would meet the man who would become my husband in various situations – at the grocery store where I ask him to reach something on a top shelf, a department store looking for a particular item, getting a flat tire and he’s the one who pulled over to assist. (I did have a chance ‘something’ at a store about a year ago. While walking in, this handsome man was getting off his motorcycle and our eyes met. My heart thumped, I managed a smile and walked into the store. He followed and said hello. I replied, and kept walking. I wonder now.. what if I had stayed to chat for a minute??)

What do all of those have in common (except for motorcycle guy)? Damsel in distress... and I realize, I don’t need rescuing. I never have. There have been moments in my life where friends have helped me out, but it’s never been about rescue. I’ve never been the weak one who can’t survive without someone in my life. I’ve actually been doing pretty well with that for the last 20 years or so.  

There comes a point, though, when you just want to share your life with someone.

You know what the cool part of meeting someone at my age is? Retirement is not that far away! The toil and burn of daily life is nearly over. Working for someone else – ugh.

Another awesome fact is that he’s most likely got his act together – at least, I hope so. He may or may not have kids, and most single men my age have been divorced at least once. That is an unfortunate fact these days, but it is what it is. I think most of the men my age who are divorced are looking to move forward in their lives, and let their past not define them, but allow it to mold them into something better than they were.

Something just struck me – when I was younger and Active Duty, most of my friends were male. I was in a (at that time) male dominated career field and the few females I did know were pretty great. 

I now have several close female friends, but I am missing something. I am missing my best friend here on earth. I know he’s out in this world somewhere. God is working on him, just like He’s working on me.

My prayer is, that he finds me one day soon. There is a lot of life to live, and I don’t want to waste one minute of it!

One last thought - I always remember this - I am loved. Deeply. My Heavenly Father, my Creator, He made me just the way I am and He also made my other half. He loves us both, and will bring us together one day.