God is....

This last week has been interesting, stressful and tiresome. Add on the responsibilities I have outside of work and sometimes it just gets overwhelming. I’ve often wondered why people don’t believe in God. I wonder why they can’t look around them and see all of these wonderful things, and want to know how they came to be. I have a beautiful view from my bedroom window. I can see Pikes Peak, and I especially love it in the winter, when the top is covered in snow. During the Balloon Classic, it is so nice to see all of those colorful shapes against the backdrop of this majestic mountain range, with Pikes Peak taking front and center. I just don’t understand when people say they have no belief in God.

Maybe it is because I was raised in church. I’ve turned from God several times over the course of my life, but something has always brought me back. I’ve questioned Him on why things are, why I make the decisions I make, why I am where I am in life. I know all things work together for good, but sometimes I just want to know WHY!?!?

I usually don’t get an answer when I demand one. And yes, typically, I demand the answer. I am impatient enough that I don’t like to wait for an answer, even though it is typically there. Or will be, if I would just wait for it. Sometimes, when I get that answer,  I laugh at myself. If I had just been patient, I would have had so much less stress in my world.

This is where I am with wondering about my future husband. I’ve been told to lower my standards, change my path, do something different and so on. It isn’t what I feel like I’m supposed to be doing, because I know God has something big planned for my life.

Don’t choose a path without God. Life is hard enough as it is. Choosing God doesn’t mean life will be simple or easy, but you will be able to handle all of the problems that come up so much easier. Even when looking for your mate.

Psalm 53 (NASB)

¹ The fool has said in his heart, “There is no God,”
They are corrupt, and have committed abominable injustice;
There is no one who does good.
² God has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men
To see if there is anyone who understands,
Who seeks after God.
³ Every one of them has turned aside; together they have become corrupt;
There is no one who does good, not even one.

Broken roads and lost sheep

There is a song I love... Bless the Broken Road, by Rascal Flatts. Now, their version was about finding your love. Many country and Christian artists have covered the song, and it is still wonderful. I personally like the Rascal Flatts version, but only because I like them. (And if you haven't noticed by now, I love music... the words in the songs I talk about speak to me)

 

I can correlate this to what the Bible says about the

 Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to younarrow path. If we can't find our way to Jesus, then what is the point in trying to love another person? Being in love with Jesus is the ultimate relationship.
So many don't understand this. Heck, half the time I don't understand it. But I try. I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you 

We try to replace the love we are supposed to have for our Creator with a person. It doesn’t work so well and I am just as guilty of this as the next person. I haven’t dated anyone seriously in three years. Sometimes I wonder why, or what is so wrong with me. And then I remember that there is nothing wrong with me. My Jesus is there, no matter what. He is enough for me, even when I want more. I just have to reign myself in and not get so caught up in my emotions. 

 I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

I love this verse. So much time I wasted, doing stupid things and being around people I had no business being around. Jesus was ALWAYS there.. He never left my side, even when I was running away. Just like the prodigal son or a lost sheep, Jesus is there. He will never fail me, even when others will. Or when I let myself down. 
  Just like the lost sheep, Jesus is looking for you, waiting for you. If you have walked away from Him, He is waiting. You don't need to fix yourself or 'get right' before you come to Jesus. He takes you just as you are.
 

Needs and Wants

I need to win the lottery so I can be a stay at home mom and home school my child like he wants. In all honesty, I would probably hire a tutor because I don’t imagine I have the patience needed to home school him…and I really, really suck at math. We would get to the stuff that has numbers and letters together and I would just look at him and be honest… “Unless you are going to be an engineer, you will NEVER use this stuff…so let’s skip it.” I’m sure he would be delighted.

I want to dance with the man I’m going to marry.. just gonna call him my husband. I love dancing – the kind that is classy, not the ‘shake your rear, dirty dancing’ stuff you see today. Two-step, waltz, cha cha, swing, ballroom. You name it, I love it. I want to dance with him to this particular song that I love right now..  And no, I’m not telling what it is, simply because I won’t.

I want land to build a house on, and put in a greenhouse so I can have fresh veggies year round.

I want horses to ride on my land.

I want to travel more often. I want to go back to Italy.

I need to be the mom my son deserves.

I feel a strong need to take care of someone, a family.

I want to grow old with my husband.

I want to cook for more than two people, one of whom complains regularly that he doesn’t like what I’ve made. Til I make him try it. Or I let him use some kind of condiment on it. (Mustard on green beans? Sure.. if you actually eat what I’ve slaved over to provide you with nourishment so you can grow into a larger person who will complain about and then eat more of what you don’t like).

I want my boy to grow up and be strong for the Lord, to lead his own household someday.

Most of all, I feel the deep desire to be loved for who I am. To be understood completely by someone who will listen to me rant then make me laugh because it really is ridiculous to be upset over __________.

Matthew 6:25-27  (NASB)

²⁵ “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? ²⁷ And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

I am worth more than the birds of the air. God may not give me every little want and desire that I have, but He will provide exactly what I need.  And maybe even fulfill some of those ‘wants’ along the way.

Staying Focused

I find that if I lose my focus, I get all kinds of out of whack. The devil starts to get his claws into my mind, where I begin to think too much about what I don't have. If I start doing that, I start getting overly emotional.
 
Yes, I tend to let my emotions run amuck. I get sad and jealous, angry and hurt. I do not, however, live this way as a constant state of being. I am human after all, and female. So my emotional side gets me a lot more often. I just have to remain on guard and make every attempt to stay focused, and trust Jesus that the devil will not get too strong of a hold. The devil is pretty easy to get rid of, once focused. However, he is persistent and comes back often and quickly.

People mean well, but when they don’t know you all that well or see your everyday life, it is hard for them to not grab onto one thing and say that is a constant state of being. I want make clear to anyone who doesn’t understand or know or who has misunderstood something I have said…..

I am not sad or depressed because I am single.  I am happy to be able to live and do without having to “check with” someone else (even if I do want that at some point.)

I am not jealous of anyone who is married and has been that way. I just get tired of their attempts to placate me (Not all do this, but don’t tell me some silly saying because you are blissfully married and I am not).

I am not angry at or because of, my situation. I am generally happy because I have nothing to complain about…compared to the majority. I do want to do better at many things, but who doesn’t seek improvement in their life?

Psalm 119:14-16  (NASB)

¹⁴ I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies,
As much as in all riches.
¹⁵ I will meditate on Your precepts
And regard Your ways.
¹⁶ I shall delight in Your statutes;
I shall not forget Your word.

And so I shall continue on this road of singleness until my Jesus brings into my life that man I will marry. I will get overly emotional and may even cry sometimes about it, but I won’t dwell there. I will “pitch my fit” and move on, because that is what I do. And just because I want to talk about what is going on in my life doesn’t always mean I want advice. Sometimes I just want to vent. And for the doubters out there…. I. AM. OKAY.

Burdens and Loneliness

Matthew 11:28 (NASB)

²⁸ “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

Do you have days that you feel like you can’t lift your head? I do. I’m not depressed or anything that extreme. There are just times I am so tired, and tired of dealing with “life” that I just want to lay in bed all day. Granted, I honestly can’t do that, because I always think of things I need to do. I feel like I never just “rest” in my Lord. To be frank, I probably don’t. My mind is constantly going with things I would like to be doing, or things I need to do, or things I have to do.. that I really don’t want to do.

On the other side of my burdens, is this constant ‘lonely’ feeling. I fight it daily. Sometimes it gets overwhelming to the point that I’m either crying or complaining to friends.. who then wonder where the real Julie is. J

Just last night I was driving to meet a friend from out of town for dinner. I find it is easy to talk to God when I’m driving, so I stick my earbud in so I don’t look completely crazy and start talking. I talk about how lonely I get, and please fill me with your Spirit so I don’t do something stupid because I am lonely. I tell Him I’m mad because I am almost 37 and not married and how one sister has been married almost 10 years and the other will celebrate 8 years this year. I tell Him I think I should not have to wait any longer and could I please (yes, begging..don’t know how well it works- so far, not so well) have a boyfriend to celebrate my birthday/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years/Valentines Day and the rest of my life with? No? Ok, well, I’ll still wait on Your best. But it really does get old trying to find friends who aren’t busy that I can enjoy being around to do things with. I tell Him it would surely be nice to automatically have a date to any and every event. I also tell Him how I would love for my son to finally have the father he is longing for.

But.. someday. He knows what I’m looking for, and better yet, He knows what I (we) NEED. Because He knows me inside and out, better than I know myself. I lie to myself about things, you know. God knows this, and knows why and what it is I’m trying to hide from.

This video is an older song by Michael W. Smith. I love it..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAzweSosz3U

Get out of the way....

Jeremiah 29:11  (NASB)

¹¹ For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

I love this verse. It is what I repeat to myself when the world is crashing around my ears. Or when I try to take over my life from God, because I. KNOW. BETTER.

 Um, what?

 It’s more like… “Get out of My way, Julie. I know what I have planned for you, and if you would stop trying to rule your life, I would show you what it is.”

And that’s the truth. God doesn’t make things happen to us because He enjoys seeing us in pain. He lets us make choices (free will) so that we can turn to Him when we have messed things up and are at our weakest and most vulnerable. And THEN…

He blesses us.

At least, He does for me. I’m sure He does for you too.. see through your pain to find those blessings.

Most of the time I find I am too stubborn to accept that His way is better. So I repeat mistakes over and over, never learning. Someday I hope to break this cycle, if I could just realize the potential of my life while completely trusting God.

Side note****

My trust in God is not lacking, before you think along that route. I am involved in the process of breaking the chains of my past, of the things that happened in my life where trust has been a major factor.  I have to get past myself in all of that and focus on God, and then freedom comes.

Purity...

Psalm 119:9  (NASB)

 How can a young man keep his way pure?
By keeping it according to Your word.

What do you think of when you hear “purity”? It is quite the opposite of what the world’s standard is today. Purity is basically trying to live right (i.e. God’s way) while surrounded by wickedness, or impurity. It is everywhere you go. There are no longer magazine or television ads we can view without some sort of impurity. Movies are getting really racy with their characters. TV shows are nearly as bad as movies anymore.

What does God demand of us with this? Two examples in the New Testament.

Romans 14:21  (NASB)
It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles.

1 Corinthians 8:13  (NASB)
Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble.

Now, to clarify this, God is not saying do not eat meat or drink wine. He is saying that if doing these things… or anything… causes your brother or sister (friend, family, co-worker) to stumble, then do not do it in their presence. I have a friend who does not drink at all. I occasionally have a glass of wine. I will not drink in front of her because I do not want to offend her. This is how we help each other with our weaknesses.

A potential partner will do the same. If you have a problem in a certain area of your life, he or she should not encourage you to partake in that area, and he or she will also respect your decision and not partake as well. It can be anything you have been convicted of. My personal conviction at this time is to not date until I find the one God tells me I will marry. I have further convictions than that within a relationship, but those are for me and my future husband to discuss. Perhaps you will hear about them when the time is right. J

By the way, I wanted to say that last week I was told by an old friend I should lower my standards. He just does not understand that what God wants for me requires high standards. Don’t let anyone tell you that… and if they do, don’t believe them. KEEP GOD'S WORD, and you will NEVER go wrong.

Slaves no more

Galatians 5:1  (NASB)

¹ It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

What comes to mind when you think of “freedom?” For me, it is living in a land where I am not ruled by a set of regulations that can get me killed if I do something minor (minor in my culture, anyway) like shake a man’s hand, or look at a man besides my husband.. or refuse to marry a man 20 years my senior when I am only a child. I am thankful to have been born in America. I am free to live, work and worship as I choose. I am free to marry whomever I choose.

I do have another kind of freedom. I have freedom in Christ. Too many non-believers think being a “Christian” is a drag on their lifestyle, when it is actually quite the opposite. There is such a freedom in the Christian life. It is true freedom. Freedom to live unselfishly and live a life serving others and Jesus.

Living unselfishly is difficult on the best days, because I tend to want certain things at a certain time and that time is usually now. It’s a little silly, I know, but it works. Rather, it doesn’t really work, because if I do things in my own time for my own purposes I typically screw up whatever opportunity God placed before me.

This verse is about living a life that is impossible to live unless you know Jesus. There are Christians out there who like to make up rules, methods or use special conditions to make someone “saved” or to allow them to grow in Christ.  A real Christian will tell you that is absolutely, without a doubt, the biggest bunch of bunk they’ve ever heard. Jesus did not die on a cross for us to give us a whole new set of rules. He died on the cross to give us freedom from the old set of rules.

In my freedom as a Christian and in exploring the dating world, I can choose who I want to spend time with. Christ gives me the discernment to know who should and should not be a part of my life. Some people are there only for a season. Some for many. I like the ones who stay around longer.. it gives some consistency to my life.

What is your opinion on freedom in Christ?

Inside or Outside?

1 Samuel 16:7  (NASB)

⁷ But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

I was reading a post from a friend this morning and she was discussing 1 Samuel. When I got to verse 7, I thought.. “Whoa! How often do we do this?” All. The. Time.  Be honest with yourself.. do you quickly judge someone by their appearance? Or do you wait until you get to know them? I’m right there with you if you said you judge by appearance. I am so guilty of it, and it is a constant battle for me.

There is a guy I met recently and I looked at him and thought, “wow, he is SUCH a dork.” Well, as I have gotten to know him a little better and talked to him more, he has a wicked sense of humor and is very nice. Perhaps I should not have been so quick to judge him on his appearance?

I wish I saw people the way God sees them. He looks at their heart, and not at their outward appearance. How many hours a week do you put into your outward appearance, perhaps to impress that guy or gal you might like? How many hours do you put into your inner character, the one God sees? Do you see the difference? I do, in my own life.

People say they can only date or marry someone who is attractive. Well, by what or whose standards are you judging “attractive” on? Are you looking with your eyes or with your heart? I’ve found that some of the best looking men get uglier as I get to know them better.. because their inner character isn’t very attractive. And some of the men I wouldn’t give a second glance initially get better looking the longer I know them. It’s because their inner character is so very attractive, and they know what counts.

How do you judge attractiveness?

My greatest enemy...

I guess I’ll start off heavy today.. since the thought life is my greatest enemy and weakness, let’s talk about it.

Philippians 4:8  (NASB)

⁸ Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Whatever we put in our minds is what comes out in our thoughts and actions. This is what shows a person’s character. In Jerry Bridges’ book “The Pursuit of Holiness,” he says the following:

Sow a thought, reap an act;

Sow and act, reap a habit;

Sow a habit, reap a character.

I never really thought about this until recently. A few months ago I met someone who had less than desirable actions. He kept claiming I should judge him by his character, not by a few mistakes he had made. Well, one of these “mistakes” was to not pay taxes for many years. (See the Bridges note above). Acts = character. It makes sense to me now.

A thought can literally destroy me, if I let it. If I carry on in my brain about some guy, I start obsessing, which turns into stupid actions. This is NEVER a good thing. Not only am I acting like a teenager, but I’m not trusting God in bringing me to the man He has chosen for me.

What things in your life can be your greatest enemy, if you let them? Would love to hear about it.