Burdens and Loneliness

Matthew 11:28 (NASB)

²⁸ “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

Do you have days that you feel like you can’t lift your head? I do. I’m not depressed or anything that extreme. There are just times I am so tired, and tired of dealing with “life” that I just want to lay in bed all day. Granted, I honestly can’t do that, because I always think of things I need to do. I feel like I never just “rest” in my Lord. To be frank, I probably don’t. My mind is constantly going with things I would like to be doing, or things I need to do, or things I have to do.. that I really don’t want to do.

On the other side of my burdens, is this constant ‘lonely’ feeling. I fight it daily. Sometimes it gets overwhelming to the point that I’m either crying or complaining to friends.. who then wonder where the real Julie is. J

Just last night I was driving to meet a friend from out of town for dinner. I find it is easy to talk to God when I’m driving, so I stick my earbud in so I don’t look completely crazy and start talking. I talk about how lonely I get, and please fill me with your Spirit so I don’t do something stupid because I am lonely. I tell Him I’m mad because I am almost 37 and not married and how one sister has been married almost 10 years and the other will celebrate 8 years this year. I tell Him I think I should not have to wait any longer and could I please (yes, begging..don’t know how well it works- so far, not so well) have a boyfriend to celebrate my birthday/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years/Valentines Day and the rest of my life with? No? Ok, well, I’ll still wait on Your best. But it really does get old trying to find friends who aren’t busy that I can enjoy being around to do things with. I tell Him it would surely be nice to automatically have a date to any and every event. I also tell Him how I would love for my son to finally have the father he is longing for.

But.. someday. He knows what I’m looking for, and better yet, He knows what I (we) NEED. Because He knows me inside and out, better than I know myself. I lie to myself about things, you know. God knows this, and knows why and what it is I’m trying to hide from.

This video is an older song by Michael W. Smith. I love it..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAzweSosz3U