Dinner Etiquette

Christmas is over, the new year is coming. Are you in a different place than you were one year ago? I was, mentally, spiritually and physically. Do you make resolutions? I don’t. I never keep them anyway, so I figure, what’s the point? 

So, what will you do in 2012? I will finish my Master’s degree. I know that one thing is certain. For all of the rest, I can only rely on God to do what He does best, which is answer prayer in His way and His time. All for the better of my life, of course.

I’ve realized, in chatting with the men I know –and some who have asked my thoughts on the subject – that men have forgotten what it is like to ask a woman out as well as how to choose a restaurant for a date. I took some ideas from an article I read because it was so well done… and the advice is from a man. With the exception of some of the alcohol comments (which I deleted), I couldn’t have said it better myself! I did add some of my comments (in italics), because, as a man, he missed some minor details.  Additionally, I deleted the last one by Mariani because it is irrelevant.

Dinner Date Etiquette By John Mariani

1. Ask her out at least five days in advance.  Assuming you've got a date, tell her the reservation is 15 minutes earlier than it actually is. This way you'll be seated on time.  

--This is especially helpful if she has children. Finding babysitters at the last moment is usually difficult. And asking anything less than 5 days shows (in my opinion) that she may have been a last resort, instead of a first choice – and in that case ladies, feel free to say no.

2. Some restaurants are more romantic than others. Make sure you pick the right cuisine:
• French restaurants may seem romantic, but often they upstage you with a meal that revolves around an exotic menu and wine list instead of you having a good time. And then there's the snooty factor, where you're judged as much by the service staff as your date. Especially when it comes to the tip.
• Chinese and other Asian restaurants are either pushy, crowded, and frantic or completely empty, ensuring you'll be the only ones in the whole place. In either case, you'll be out the door in a hurry. Think about it: When was the last time you spent more than an hour in a Chinese restaurant?
• With their lively atmosphere and accessible cuisine, Mexican restaurants can be extremely amiable but mark you as a cheapskate.
• Steakhouses tend to be meat markets. (Literally.) Who wants to compete with the crowds of guys at the bar who can't wait for you to go to the men’s room so they can hit on your girl?
• Sushi, assuming she likes it, is very good for a casual date, even a little sexy because it’s adventurous and marks you as something of a sophisticate. (This is especially true if you if you live in a landlocked city like Cincinnati or Tucson.) Just don’t sit at the counter.
• Italian restaurants, by and large, are your best bet. The staff is affable, they know how to greet a beautiful girl, the food is going to be good even if it’s only okay, and the bill won’t raise your eyebrows over your hairline. Plus, as Neil Simon once said, “There are two laws in the universe: The Law of Gravity and Everybody Likes Italian Food.”

--Make sure your date doesn’t have food allergies before you choose the restaurant for the evening. Nothing is worse than a man who doesn’t think to find out if his date has severe food allergies which keep her from eating a particular cuisine (fish, shellfish, and wheat/gluten allergies come to mind). Just because you like a certain food doesn’t mean she will. Personally, I can’t stand sushi and I can’t even walk into certain restaurants because of food allergies. I would hate to pull up to a place and have to tell a well meaning man I can’t eat there, especially if he made the effort to make a reservation. If your date has allergies, let her suggest a place or two, or do some research yourself.

3. A list of Do's
• Wear a jacket or blazer. A tie couldn't hurt, either.
• Get up from the table when she leaves and returns.
• Tip 20 percent if you expect to return. Remember to include the wine costs as well, unless you're buying bottles of wine that cost more than $100 each.
• Pay the bill. If she offers to go Dutch, resist her.
• Offer to switch plates if she hates her meal. If that doesn't work, ask her what she hates and quietly consult the waiter off to the side.

--These are all good suggestions. It is also good to find out the restaurant policy on a hated meal. Many will make a new entree free of charge (PF Changs is one of these).  I would also like to add that you should not take her to a place you cannot afford. If you asked a lady out, you should be the one to pay for everything, expecting nothing in return, except an evening of conversation and getting to know one another. The exception is an agreement made in advance, particularly when you made the plans with said lady.

4. A list of Don'ts
• Flourish a bribe to a maître d’. Tip him on the way out if you plan on being a regular.
• Share plates, especially on the first and second dates. Try to stay away from the tasting menu, too, while you're at it.
• Order soup. It will end up on your shirt.
• Perform the Heimlich maneuver, unless you're an EMT. Let the trained staff handle this one.
• Make a giant production out of tasting the wine. Take a sip, nod if it's good, and leave the swishing and spitting for the sommelier.

--Seriously… don’t stick your fork or spoon in my plate, especially if I barely know you. If I offer to let you try something off of my plate, allow me to cut a piece and either use your fork that you have politely given me or place the morsel on your plate or bread plate. Don't pretend to be a foodie if you aren't. If she is a foodie, you will look foolish trying to pronouce foods or act like you know what a 'truffle' is when you don't. (Hint: it is a fungus).  

5. Thirteen warning signs that your restaurant choice is a bad one:
• The host proudly offers you a free glass of "kee-ann-tee" if you order an entree.
• There is a bouncer out front.
• The bar is packed, but the dining area is empty.
• There are women's undergarments stapled above the bar.
• The restroom is unisex.
• The host says there’s a half hour wait for a table.
• Tonight's music selection: Showtunes!
• The menu has tassels.
• The winelist comes in a three-ring binder.
• The place has no listed phone number.
• The tables are so close together that the waiter has to pull them out to sit you down.
• It's one of Todd English's restaurants.
• The waiters have track marks on their arms.

--These are funny…yet scary too. Do yourself (and your unsuspecting date) a favor. Check out the place ahead of time, especially if you have never been there. How embarrassing would it be to show up at a new restaurant and find it is a biker bar or worse?

6. Yes, you like oysters. Still, don’t ever suggest a food is an aphrodisiac. It makes you sound like you learned everything you know about romance from your dad's Playboy collection in the garage.

--Um, yeah. Add chocolate covered strawberries and anything else on that list to things you should not suggest your date eat on a first date. Personally, wait til your wedding night for this type of food… then have it sent to your hotel room after the wedding reception.  

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/the-side/MARIANI/dinner-date-etiquette#ixzz1hwYUKl9d

Give Them (clueless men) a Hand

Give them a hand

I had a few questions come up from the last blog, so I thought I would answer those here, so if anyone else was curious, they could also get my take on these things.

I firmly believe a man should chase after a woman. I would never go out with a man who is too lazy to show me he is interested, or the man who refuses to chase a woman because he thinks he should be the one chased. Nope, sorry, not going to happen.

THAT being said… there is nothing wrong with letting a man know you are interested, you know? I mean, let’s face it, most men are pretty clueless when it comes to women.  :)   Ladies, you can do this by showing interest in what he is saying –even if you don’t understand it, are not interested, or bored to tears. Ask him questions, flirt some. Sometimes, with some men, you just have to put yourself out there and say something about your level of interest. However, DO NOT play games with a guy. If he asks you out, say yes or no. It’s okay to check the calendar or tell him you must see if you can find a sitter first before committing, but don’t say no, then be mad at him if he doesn’t ask again. Toying with emotions is not fair to anyone. (Guys.. you should take note of that too..Don’t play games with women. Be interested, or not, but don’t lead a woman on).

Guys, if you are interested, ask her out. Take the chance. You will never know if she is interested unless you ask. Guys - if she tells you she has an interest in you but you do not reciprocate the feelings, be nice about it.

Men and women are a terrific team together, IF they are following God’s plan for their lives. By this, I mean men and women both should first commit to a relationship with God. If they can’t have that relationship, then how will they manage to be in one with each other? I heard a saying once, and I love it.

A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man must seek Him to find her

This is utterly and completely the truth, especially for a Believer. There should be no missionary dating, nor should there be failure to follow God when dating another Christian. It should be easy. I was seeing someone a few years ago who played with my emotions, kept me guessing and thought I should chase after him before he just quit calling. When I saw him earlier this year, I asked what happened, and he said he thought if I wanted to talk to him, I would have called him. Really… maturity is the key here, guys. If you aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship, then don’t be in one. Don’t try to be in one. Just be by yourself and grow up.

One thing I firmly believe is that sex before marriage is not right, especially in God’s eyes. We all make mistakes, we all do stupid things, so I am not condemning anyone… geez.. I would have those four fingers pointing right back at me. The question comes out of the desire to beat the sinful nature into submission, thereby following God’s will for our lives. When a man and a woman are in a relationship that will lead to marriage (and yes, I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, nothing more, nothing less), they should make every effort to keep God first, and control their sinful nature. If it comes to it, they would have to make the decision to not be alone together (if they find they cannot control themselves-hormonal teenagers, anyone??). They would also need to set firm boundaries for both the man and the woman, for each has a threshold that, if crossed, would create a problem for both parties in the relationship.

Does anyone else have thoughts on these things?

Ladies...it is your turn :)

Alright ladies, I promised the next blog post for you. I have to tell some of my greatest annoyances when talking to other women about dating.

1.       Don’t criticize my views on dating when you aren’t dating anyone either. Obviously I have my views and have developed them over time and they fit me and my life.

2.       I am picky for a reason. Just because someone asks me out doesn’t mean I should go out with them if I don’t feel it is right.

3.       If you are in a relationship, don’t pull the typical girl moves.

a.       Ignore me while you are dating a guy, then expect to come back crying over the broken relationship. I honestly don’t want to hear it and seriously won’t care. (Basically, don’t ditch me as a friend b/c you have a boyfriend then come back when you break up)

b.      Be my friend. The one I had when we were both single and had fun together doing whatever it was that we did. Don’t constantly talk about your boyfriend while when we are hanging out. I want to spend time with you talking about the other aspects of your life, and of mine.

4.       When you are in a relationship, I’ll be happy for you. However, when I’m down about being single (b/c I do get that way, I AM human), don’t tell me the platitudes about guys being this or that. My experiences are what I have to go on and they haven’t been good. Please don’t discount that.

Okay, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I have some more to say about how women are when it comes to men. I really have a hard time with women who are so desperate to be in a relationship that they chase after any guy who shows them interest. This is not how God made us, ladies. God made us to be revered and cherished, which means we don’t chase after men. Men are supposed to pursue women. God made them that way. God made Eve from Adam’s rib, to be his helper and his mate. Throughout Biblical history, God shows us how women are to be. Just read Proverbs 31 if you don’t believe me.

Another thing to watch is when you do meet someone; do not lose yourself in that man and his life. You are an individual creation of God’s design, and He does not intend for you to get so wrapped up in someone else’s life that you become that person, and in the process, you lose yourself.  Make sure you still do the same things you did before you met him. Developing new interests together is fine, but let that happen once there is a serious commitment.  Stay committed to the things you were doing before you met him. One thing many women are known for is allowing a new man to take all of their time. It really isn’t healthy, ladies. There has to be some separation between you and that guy. Spending all of your time with one person to the detriment of other commitments in your life can result in a lot of pain and loss, as well as hurt feelings (see #3a above).

Whether God has a mate for each of us or not is definitely not up to us individually. We have to be patient and willing to listen to God’s still, small voice in what we should do  (this goes for men too). Most of the time it is to sit and wait. Wait on God to act. Wait on Him to tell the man it is time to act. Most importantly, we ladies just have to wait. While this can be hard, the reward is in the end result, when there is a relationship based on God and the individual relationships with Him that come together.

GUYS: This one is for you....

I've come to the realization that men have forgotten something vital in this world we live in. Men have forgotten how to date... At least, the men I've met. They think texting and emails are an okay form of communication, they don't actually ASK a woman out, they run away when a woman expressed her feelings, or they are inappropriately wrong right away. So yes, guys, I'm going to pick on you (don't worry, the next blog is about women).

I think the problem lies in this whole ridiculous women's movement that started in the 70's. Men have been emasculated, and that is wrong (I won't get into the political stuff, but I do believe there are some good parts to women's lib). I think many men are intimidated by women, especially the one they are interested in. Go on guy... ASK HER OUT!!!  I cannot express how annoying it is that a 'man' can't man up and show he is interested in someone. They are afraid of commitment or have been hurt or whatever the reason is.

My opinion is that the man is supposed to take the lead. God demands it!  Ephesians says the “husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.” I know, it says husband and wife.. However, this tells me that, as women, we are not made to chase after men. I know there are things out there in the world that say “go after what you want” and all of these movies, television shows and magazines say to chase after anything you see because you deserve it and all that mess. God says He will give us good things, but they come in HIS time, not ours. You can’t force a relationship to work, nor can you make someone love you. What I’m saying is, ladies, stop trying to make a man love/want you. Dress and behave appropriately, and it will come in God’s time.

My opinion is that I deserve to be chased! I am a Princess - and no, not the high maintenance image that just popped in your head. I am a Daughter of the King, and the man that eventually wins my heart has to go through my Father to get to me. I’m not about getting my heart broken over some guy who can’t or won’t commit. I deserve more than that, and have no desire to just date whatever guy enters my life to see if he’s the one God has for me. That doesn’t mean I won’t get to know him. I just won’t commit to a relationship with him unless I know God has intended him for me.

Some of my rules an interested guy should know (these may apply to other ladies as well):

1.       ASK me out. You’ll never know if I’m taken or interested if you don’t.  (I would advise to not text or email and ask me out. I will say no on principle.)

2.       PLEASE: Make an effort to get to know me and show me you can be my friend.

3.       DO NOT communicate solely thorough electronic means. CALL and talk to me!!!!

4.       Don’t ask me out and then offer to include my child. Yes, a nice gesture, but inappropriate.

5.       Don’t have the expectation that I would introduce you or allow you to spend a significant amount of time with my child when I first start dating you. (I may not like you and don’t want my child to like someone who won’t be around).

6.       Don’t expect that I would be physically involved with you, especially at first. (See #2).

7.       Flowers are always a nice gesture.

If you can’t manage to show me some kind of effort, then why should I?