Christmas is over, the new year is coming. Are you in a different place than you were one year ago? I was, mentally, spiritually and physically. Do you make resolutions? I don’t. I never keep them anyway, so I figure, what’s the point?
So, what will you do in 2012? I will finish my Master’s degree. I know that one thing is certain. For all of the rest, I can only rely on God to do what He does best, which is answer prayer in His way and His time. All for the better of my life, of course.
I’ve realized, in chatting with the men I know –and some who have asked my thoughts on the subject – that men have forgotten what it is like to ask a woman out as well as how to choose a restaurant for a date. I took some ideas from an article I read because it was so well done… and the advice is from a man. With the exception of some of the alcohol comments (which I deleted), I couldn’t have said it better myself! I did add some of my comments (in italics), because, as a man, he missed some minor details. Additionally, I deleted the last one by Mariani because it is irrelevant.
Dinner Date Etiquette By John Mariani
1. Ask her out at least five days in advance. Assuming you've got a date, tell her the reservation is 15 minutes earlier than it actually is. This way you'll be seated on time.
--This is especially helpful if she has children. Finding babysitters at the last moment is usually difficult. And asking anything less than 5 days shows (in my opinion) that she may have been a last resort, instead of a first choice – and in that case ladies, feel free to say no.
2. Some restaurants are more romantic than others. Make sure you pick the right cuisine:
• French restaurants may seem romantic, but often they upstage you with a meal that revolves around an exotic menu and wine list instead of you having a good time. And then there's the snooty factor, where you're judged as much by the service staff as your date. Especially when it comes to the tip.
• Chinese and other Asian restaurants are either pushy, crowded, and frantic or completely empty, ensuring you'll be the only ones in the whole place. In either case, you'll be out the door in a hurry. Think about it: When was the last time you spent more than an hour in a Chinese restaurant?
• With their lively atmosphere and accessible cuisine, Mexican restaurants can be extremely amiable but mark you as a cheapskate.
• Steakhouses tend to be meat markets. (Literally.) Who wants to compete with the crowds of guys at the bar who can't wait for you to go to the men’s room so they can hit on your girl?
• Sushi, assuming she likes it, is very good for a casual date, even a little sexy because it’s adventurous and marks you as something of a sophisticate. (This is especially true if you if you live in a landlocked city like Cincinnati or Tucson.) Just don’t sit at the counter.
• Italian restaurants, by and large, are your best bet. The staff is affable, they know how to greet a beautiful girl, the food is going to be good even if it’s only okay, and the bill won’t raise your eyebrows over your hairline. Plus, as Neil Simon once said, “There are two laws in the universe: The Law of Gravity and Everybody Likes Italian Food.”
• French restaurants may seem romantic, but often they upstage you with a meal that revolves around an exotic menu and wine list instead of you having a good time. And then there's the snooty factor, where you're judged as much by the service staff as your date. Especially when it comes to the tip.
• Chinese and other Asian restaurants are either pushy, crowded, and frantic or completely empty, ensuring you'll be the only ones in the whole place. In either case, you'll be out the door in a hurry. Think about it: When was the last time you spent more than an hour in a Chinese restaurant?
• With their lively atmosphere and accessible cuisine, Mexican restaurants can be extremely amiable but mark you as a cheapskate.
• Steakhouses tend to be meat markets. (Literally.) Who wants to compete with the crowds of guys at the bar who can't wait for you to go to the men’s room so they can hit on your girl?
• Sushi, assuming she likes it, is very good for a casual date, even a little sexy because it’s adventurous and marks you as something of a sophisticate. (This is especially true if you if you live in a landlocked city like Cincinnati or Tucson.) Just don’t sit at the counter.
• Italian restaurants, by and large, are your best bet. The staff is affable, they know how to greet a beautiful girl, the food is going to be good even if it’s only okay, and the bill won’t raise your eyebrows over your hairline. Plus, as Neil Simon once said, “There are two laws in the universe: The Law of Gravity and Everybody Likes Italian Food.”
--Make sure your date doesn’t have food allergies before you choose the restaurant for the evening. Nothing is worse than a man who doesn’t think to find out if his date has severe food allergies which keep her from eating a particular cuisine (fish, shellfish, and wheat/gluten allergies come to mind). Just because you like a certain food doesn’t mean she will. Personally, I can’t stand sushi and I can’t even walk into certain restaurants because of food allergies. I would hate to pull up to a place and have to tell a well meaning man I can’t eat there, especially if he made the effort to make a reservation. If your date has allergies, let her suggest a place or two, or do some research yourself.
3. A list of Do's
• Wear a jacket or blazer. A tie couldn't hurt, either.
• Get up from the table when she leaves and returns.
• Tip 20 percent if you expect to return. Remember to include the wine costs as well, unless you're buying bottles of wine that cost more than $100 each.
• Pay the bill. If she offers to go Dutch, resist her.
• Offer to switch plates if she hates her meal. If that doesn't work, ask her what she hates and quietly consult the waiter off to the side.
• Wear a jacket or blazer. A tie couldn't hurt, either.
• Get up from the table when she leaves and returns.
• Tip 20 percent if you expect to return. Remember to include the wine costs as well, unless you're buying bottles of wine that cost more than $100 each.
• Pay the bill. If she offers to go Dutch, resist her.
• Offer to switch plates if she hates her meal. If that doesn't work, ask her what she hates and quietly consult the waiter off to the side.
--These are all good suggestions. It is also good to find out the restaurant policy on a hated meal. Many will make a new entree free of charge (PF Changs is one of these). I would also like to add that you should not take her to a place you cannot afford. If you asked a lady out, you should be the one to pay for everything, expecting nothing in return, except an evening of conversation and getting to know one another. The exception is an agreement made in advance, particularly when you made the plans with said lady.
4. A list of Don'ts
• Flourish a bribe to a maître d’. Tip him on the way out if you plan on being a regular.
• Share plates, especially on the first and second dates. Try to stay away from the tasting menu, too, while you're at it.
• Order soup. It will end up on your shirt.
• Perform the Heimlich maneuver, unless you're an EMT. Let the trained staff handle this one.
• Make a giant production out of tasting the wine. Take a sip, nod if it's good, and leave the swishing and spitting for the sommelier.
• Flourish a bribe to a maître d’. Tip him on the way out if you plan on being a regular.
• Share plates, especially on the first and second dates. Try to stay away from the tasting menu, too, while you're at it.
• Order soup. It will end up on your shirt.
• Perform the Heimlich maneuver, unless you're an EMT. Let the trained staff handle this one.
• Make a giant production out of tasting the wine. Take a sip, nod if it's good, and leave the swishing and spitting for the sommelier.
--Seriously… don’t stick your fork or spoon in my plate, especially if I barely know you. If I offer to let you try something off of my plate, allow me to cut a piece and either use your fork that you have politely given me or place the morsel on your plate or bread plate. Don't pretend to be a foodie if you aren't. If she is a foodie, you will look foolish trying to pronouce foods or act like you know what a 'truffle' is when you don't. (Hint: it is a fungus).
5. Thirteen warning signs that your restaurant choice is a bad one:
• The host proudly offers you a free glass of "kee-ann-tee" if you order an entree.
• There is a bouncer out front.
• The bar is packed, but the dining area is empty.
• There are women's undergarments stapled above the bar.
• The restroom is unisex.
• The host says there’s a half hour wait for a table.
• Tonight's music selection: Showtunes!
• The menu has tassels.
• The winelist comes in a three-ring binder.
• The place has no listed phone number.
• The tables are so close together that the waiter has to pull them out to sit you down.
• It's one of Todd English's restaurants.
• The waiters have track marks on their arms.
• The host proudly offers you a free glass of "kee-ann-tee" if you order an entree.
• There is a bouncer out front.
• The bar is packed, but the dining area is empty.
• There are women's undergarments stapled above the bar.
• The restroom is unisex.
• The host says there’s a half hour wait for a table.
• Tonight's music selection: Showtunes!
• The menu has tassels.
• The winelist comes in a three-ring binder.
• The place has no listed phone number.
• The tables are so close together that the waiter has to pull them out to sit you down.
• It's one of Todd English's restaurants.
• The waiters have track marks on their arms.
--These are funny…yet scary too. Do yourself (and your unsuspecting date) a favor. Check out the place ahead of time, especially if you have never been there. How embarrassing would it be to show up at a new restaurant and find it is a biker bar or worse?
6. Yes, you like oysters. Still, don’t ever suggest a food is an aphrodisiac. It makes you sound like you learned everything you know about romance from your dad's Playboy collection in the garage.
--Um, yeah. Add chocolate covered strawberries and anything else on that list to things you should not suggest your date eat on a first date. Personally, wait til your wedding night for this type of food… then have it sent to your hotel room after the wedding reception.
Very nice! To the guys - As Jimmy Fallon once said "51% of men expect to pay on the first date. The other 49% have never been on a second date."
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you discover that your date has food allergies, thats an opportunity! Appeal to it! If you're lucky enough to get a second date and you cook for her, it takes a great deal of 'extra effort' to prepare a meal without wheat or soy for example, and she'll truly appreciate the concern and thoughtfulness. ;)