Getting Honest

(Preempting this with the fact that once published, I won't talk about it, nor will I go into details – with ANYONE! But I would appreciate prayers.)

I write out of pain today. Making a decision that causes pain (to one’s self) is uncomfortable and creates a certain amount of humility in knowing what I have done to contribute to this.

Granted, I was not completely at fault in this situation - I didn't even start it; but I allowed it to carry on and now have to face up to what has been put in front of me.

It is painful, this decision I have to make for the things I think I want so much. It doesn’t seem fair at times either, and makes me wonder what I’ve done, or what it is that God is trying to teach me through this.

These are the thoughts (among others) that have plagued me over the past few days, while I’ve been struggling with this decision that I didn’t (and still don’t) want to make. One I don’t feel ready for or strong enough to do. And wonder still if I am strong enough for this one. Strong enough to make the decision and stick with it, because I certainly don't want to.

Sometimes people have to be let go from your life, especially if they aren’t treating you right or are not able to give the attention you (I) deserve.

Psalm 30:5 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

⁵ For His anger is but for a moment,

His favor is for a lifetime;

Weeping may last for the night,

But a shout of joy comes in the morning.

Just gotta keep looking for the morning… even if it feels impossible.

Working on this for today...and for the next few as well.. or as long as it takes to stop feeling like I'm dying inside..