Fleshly Living

Good Monday! I hope this post finds you having a good day and coming off of a nice weekend. I did a weekend jaunt up to Estes Park to visit some friends, and as usual, it was wonderful.

Romans 8:13  (NASB)

¹³ for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.

 The Sunday School class I assist in will be teaching from Romans this fall, and I am so exited! As difficult as this book in the Bible is to digest, it is also a favorite. I fail daily at living by Romans. I fail pretty much at everything, if I was judging myself by God’s standards. I fail because I have sin in my life, as we all do.

John 8:7  (NASB)

⁷ But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”

We all have sin in our lives. If you claim you do not, perhaps you should take a closer look. I know my weaknesses.. my thought life. My thought life bleeds over into my actions and words. It is not a good place to be. Thankfully I have a Savior who intercedes on my behalf.

If we were to “kill” the sin in our lives, what we our lives then look like?

Galatians 5:24  (NASB)

²⁴ Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we belong to Christ, we will have “crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”  That’s not hard, right? Yeah.. more like impossible. Or so it seems. Living life with crucified flesh may not be as difficult as we think. It takes prayer and practice, but it is possible.  A few years ago I was having a problem getting a particular guy out of my mind (thought life issues) and finally, after being beaten down emotionally once again, I prayed that God would take him out of my mind, especially if he were not the one I was to marry. Guess what? He did! God does answer prayers. I believe that those things that are most harmful to us are the ones He especially likes to answer. My thought life has the capability to destroy me, so I have to be cautious as to what I do and who I involve myself with – even friends. Though they may be well meaning, they can still derail progress.

Find Joy in Serving

It’s finally Friday! It has been a very long week for me, but a short one too. I think it is because I am unreasonably tired and need more than 5 hours of sleep at night. Somehow though, I cannot seem to go to bed on time. I think I should commit to being in bed by 10 PM on work nights. It might help.

Philippians 2:2-5 (NASB)

² make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. ³ Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; ⁴ do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. ⁵ Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,

These verses have so many applications for their meaning; I thought I would talk about them a little bit today. Vs 2 discusses unity in the church. I like this, because there seems to be so much argueing and bitterness in the church over trivial things. Like music. Or paint colors. Or carpet. And so on. It is just plain ridiculous. Jesus didn’t teach in a church – building. He taught on a hillside, or in a square, or in someone’s home. He didn’t care about paint, carpet, music or anything like that. His intent was to deliver His message and He did that very well.

This can apply to singles as well, and combined with vs 3, can speak volumes. Men should treat women as their sisters in Christ. Women should treat men as their brothers in Christ. There should not be an ulterior motive when it comes to socializing with Christian singles, but too many times there are. It seems like there is an expectation, even among Christian singles, that when we get together to socialize, it is a meet and greet to see if a potential dating partner is there. I get very frustrated by this, as I go to fellowships with the expectation that I will meet new brothers and sisters, not a potential boyfriend. Let me clear it up.. the expectation is not there, but if that is where God introduces me to someone, I am not opposed.

Vs 4 is so vital. “do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”  It is amazing to me how selfish people are today. Maybe they always were and I wasn’t paying attention. Either way, the world we live in is all about instant gratification and me, me, ME!  There isn’t a “love your neighbor” rule anymore, unless that neighbor can do something for you. This verse admonishes us, so that we do look out for our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I am repeating myself here, but I it needs to be said. Ladies, when we look out for our brothers, we should not be wearing clothing that will put inappropriate thoughts in their minds about their sister(s) in Christ. We should be aware of how a simple touch causes a reaction. We should be cautious of how flirtatious we get. We should also be respectful of the men and their self-esteem, ensuring our words or actions do not tear them down.

Men, you should be aware of how you treat your sisters. Do you look at us as a sister in Christ or as a conquest?  Do you talk to us and treat us with respect and care, to make sure your words are carefully chosen so as not to wound our hearts?  (Don’t get me wrong guys, we aren’t fragile little things. However, we take words to heart, literally, and you must use caution so as not to cause harm).  Do you talk “locker room” talk about us when we aren’t there?

Our greatest example of how to treat one another is Jesus. He was the ultimate single man. Guys, if you are unsure of how to treat your sisters, read about Jesus in the four Gospels. Those books will show you what you need to do. And if you are still unclear, find a wise Godly man to tell you.

Season of Solitude

Wow… okay, so if any of you read this last night when I posted, I want to apologize. I was exhausted and did not prepare like I normally do, so I sound quite hostile. I’ve made a few changes, so please read again.  

Philippians 3:8  (NASB)

⁸ More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,

More often than not (and more than most are willing to talk about) single people face loneliness like no other. In my case, my family does not live close-by. Even if they did, I’m not sure it would change much. By this I mean that I would still have those bouts of loneliness as a single. This season of my life, a season of solitude, is tolerable only because of Jesus. My friends fill in some of the void of a face-to-face relationship, but they still don’t fill it completely. Sometimes though, they do make things worse because of the platitudes or the myths (the ones I discussed a few days ago) come from them. SO, my only real reliable source of comfort is Jesus. Some of you may ask, “how is that possible? He isn’t real.” Well, Jesus is real. More so than you can imagine. He may not physically walk the earth right now, but He is as real as real gets.

Elizabeth Elliot said, “loneliness is a required course for leadership.” Think about it this way. If God is preparing you for your place in this world and the impact you will make, He needs you to be able to rely completely on Him. You (I) have to be able to be confident without our friends and family and that confidence only comes from Christ.

Being alone really stinks. Especially when you know your friends have dates or plans for the weekend and you (I) don’t. Or if I can’t afford a sitter so I can go out. Or the lack of eligible (and tolerable) men available. LOL… yes, I said tolerable. Ever been around someone where something just doesn’t feel right? Or they are so far away from what you look for in even a friend? It is just awful to spend time with them, and you are constantly looking at your watch to see when it might be okay to say you have to go. I think tolerance can go so far. Difference of opinion should be respected, and it is okay to think differently from others. Honestly, I can’t imagine having a bunch of people who are all exactly the same. It would make for a very boring world. I went out with someone a few months back and cannot help but laugh now every time I think about it. I am a conservative, and he is very liberal. As soon as it was brought up (he started it, btw), he just shut down when he figured out how conservative I am. And he never called again. I think it is funny when people have different opinions and one person refuses to talk about it. To me, it shows a lack of maturity. Having different opinions and being able to discuss them reasonably makes for a better world. (Congress, get this picture? No? Didn’t think so).

I hope this season of solitude will remind me of who I am. That I do not need the approval, friendship or companionship of someone who will just make me miserable. The only approval I need comes from God. Be respectful of each other. Love each other. Treat others as you want to be treated. This behavior will serve you well when it is time for you to be married.

Sojourner...

Psalm 39:12  (NASB)

¹² “Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear to my cry;
Do not be silent at my tears;
For I am a stranger with You,
A sojourner like all my fathers.

I love this verse. Honestly, I love the book of Psalms. I can find peace when I am troubled, reassurance when I am discouraged. I can find my Father’s comforting presence when I have strayed. This verse in particular reminds me to stop looking for answers, but to get so close to God that I don’t even need to ask the question. It is so hard for me to do that sometimes, but I struggle on. When I feel like God has forgotten my prayers, I turn back to the Word to find Him. Because it is I who has forgotten God in those times.

I think it might be time to look at my dating history. I’m not going to name any names, and I’m only going back about 10 years at the most. For me to do this, I want you readers to understand.. relationships are not one person doing all the work and causing all of the problems. I know I’ve been at fault many times when I have been dating someone. I’m just going to explain why and what happened. Some of these men I will mention I never actually “dated” in the sense of the word. They either expressed interest in me or vice versa, and I found things out that made me not want to get further involved. I will not clarify which is which either. I have… well, nicknames for them.. helps me to keep it straight.

Mr. Scared – this one has remained a good friend. We had major religious differences as well as the fact that he just could not commit.

Mr. Player – MAJOR commitment issues, in addition to the fact that he could just not make up his mind about anything. Absolutely drove me crazy. This one is not in my life in any capacity, as his drama and the games he played made him unbearable.

Mr. Desperate – this guy wouldn’t take a hint. I repeatedly told him I wasn’t interested in him but he just kept on trying. He got points for persistence, but that was about it. The fact that he just did not get it when I told him “I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU” clearly spoke volumes about his mental issues.

Mr. Psycho – oh boy.. where do I even start? After a mere four days of talking to him, he was convinced we were going to be married. Yes. Four days later. After hearing some seriously disturbing things from him (he had ZERO boundaries), I told him we should just be friends. He then sent several long emails detailing why I should change my mind, and actually asked if I “prayed about letting him go.” Well, I’ve already said God blessed me with discernment, so I’m pretty sure prayer about the crazy guy wouldn’t have done much good.

Mr. Nice Guy – no, nice guys don’t always finish last, but sometimes they just never get started. There was mutual interest, but he just never asked me out.

Mr. Smarty-Pants - J Like the name? Anyway, this one just thought I was too old for him. Nuff said.

Mr. Creepy – this guy had some nerve! He is that guy who has no morals or values, will cheat if you give him a chance and is just plain gross.

Mr. Distant – different religious beliefs, too much space in between. Cannot say enough nice things about this one though.

So, where do I go from here? Some of the guys on this list have many qualities I am looking for, but they didn't have ALL of the qualities I am looking for in one person. God wants me to wait on Him to bring my Mr. Perfect to me. Yes, yes, I know. THAT one won’t be perfect, but God has created him just for me, so he will be just right for me. And I for him. And I’m looking forward to that day. In the meantime, I’ll serve God and do what I can to further the kingdom.

Refocus... and be on GUARD

Sometimes I have to ask myself how focused I am.. whether it be work, school, home life or… the ‘M’ word. Marriage. Or the ‘F’ word. Future. Better yet, put them together and you have future marriage. I find that when I solely focus on my future, things get wrecked pretty fast. However, if I focus on what God wants for me, everything is on an even keel.

Philippians 4:4-5 (NASB)

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.

We must rejoice in the Lord. Our happiness cannot be found anywhere else. Jesus. I love the Jeremy Camp song, “Give Me Jesus.” This is my prayer sometimes, when I don’t know what to say. This is my comfort and my crutch.

In the morning, when I rise……When I am alone…….When I come to die
Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

Jesus alone can fulfill our every heart’s desire. I struggled today with thoughts that I knew were wrong, thoughts I fought. I kept thinking.. what would it hurt? Who would really know? Well, I would, for one. And Jesus would too. And I would be breaking my promise to myself and my Jesus. And this was not a crazy, drastic thing here folks, but what most would consider a minor problem. Yet it would still be a huge thing for me. And I don’t want that. This thought problem for me leads me down a path I do not wish to go. We have to be on guard against the enemy CONSTANTLY.  He wants me to fail, to go against my promises and my faith that God has something better for me. He wants me to do what I (in my spirit) do not want to do, but what I want to do (in my humanity and desire for a relationship).

Philippians 4:6 (NASB)

⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

How difficult is it to truly relax and not think about or be anxious about nothing? Pretty impossible, if we try it ourselves. On Sunday morning, I woke up at 6:53 AM and panicked because I thought I would be late to work. Not only would I be late to work, but there was important stuff happening on Monday and I needed to be there at a certain time. Once I realized it was Sunday, I calmed down. I was truly panicked though. I knew being late was not an option, and it wasn’t just me that I had to get somewhere. What a trip! I’ve done this many a time, and have been so relieved when I figured out I had my days wrong.
I think we all do this – not the late part – in some areas of our lives. We get anxious because we aren’t married by a certain age, or don’t have children by a certain age or aren’t where we think we should be professionally and so on. All that thought process means is there is no trust in God, no faith that He will work it all out. His plan is far better than my own for my life.

Philippians 4:7 (NASB)

⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

We have to guard our hearts and minds, and be active in our defense. Watching certain shows, being around certain people, reading certain books. All of those things can bring us down to where the enemy can get a stronger hold on us. We have to fight to guard our precious hearts and minds, so that when our time comes to give them over to the one God has for us, we can do so without guilt, and knowing we did everything to protect that gift. If there is a weakness in your life, then you must do what is necessary to rid yourself of it. Find someone to pray with you. Surround yourself with loving, Godly people. Pray. Read the Word. Pray some more. Don’t let the enemy win you away from where God wants you. Stand your ground and fight. You are not alone in this.  

Myths...and the Master

Good Monday, my brothers and sisters! I hope today finds you refreshed and ready to start another week. What a wonderful weekend I had. I took my son to a movie, had a wonderful church service on Sunday morning (my pastor is BLESSED!), said farewell to a friend starting the next chapter of his life, had fellowship with some Colorado Springs singles. It was a good weekend. And I almost have my knotted-up yarn untangled. (Rabbit trail.. sorry)

What are some of the things we – as singles – hear that are Biblical in our pursuit of a mate? Is it any of these:

1)      It will happen when you aren’t looking, (Pretty sure this isn't true)

2)      God will give me a husband/wife when I'm ready. (What's wrong with ME??)

3)      When it's the right guy/girl, I'll just know. (Um, yeah, I thought I KNEW when I was 14)

4)      When I get married, then my life will begin. (I'm pretty sure I'm breathing right now)

5)      Marriage will/will not meet my deepest needs. (Only JESUS can do this)

6)      There must be something wrong with me. If I could just figure out what it is, I could fix it and guys/girls would start showing interest. (Let's be honest... we ALL have issues!) 

7)      The older I get, the less likely it is that I will find someone. (If this were even close to true, I probably would never get married.)

Part of my innermost being wants to scream at the people who tell me these things. Instead, I maintain some form of sanity (because really, these are just INSANE thoughts and reasons) and calmly ask, “Where is that in the Bible?”  I typically get a blank look and then stammering, because we all know it isn’t written in the Bible. None of these things are. It’s just the married or ‘in a relationship’ person trying to placate me and the fact that I am still single. Well, they are WRONG. With a capital W. Which I have already pointed out. GOD wants the best for all of us. It is ridiculous to think otherwise. Whether it is to remain single, as Paul was, or to be married with a family, God’s way is best.

For those who are called to be single, God reminds us:

1 Corinthians 7:31-33 (NASB)

³¹ and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. ³² But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; ³³ but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife,

As a single person, we should concentrate on serving our Master, worshipping Him and loving Him. When we are married –for those who are called to it – we will be refocused. Married people can still serve, but singles do not have the same restrictions of time and family (the spousal kind).

In the meantime, while we wait on God’s answer for the “desires of our heart” (ref. Ps 37:4) we should strive to serve God where we can, and where our gifts lie. We should also STOP putting ourselves first. I am a huge culprit of this. I like things done a certain way and I figure if I want it done right, then I should probably do it all myself. Well… we all know how that turns out, right? Not so good. God is patiently waiting for me to hand the reins of my life back to Him. He doesn’t berate me. He doesn’t chastise me. He just waits. He knows I will, once I realize how silly and impatient I’ve been, trying to do things my way. He knows I will understand He has not forgotten me (more like, I’ve pushed Him aside) and can’t wait to give me His best. I have to let go. I have to become humble.

John 3:29-30 (NASB)

 ²⁹ He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full. ³⁰ He must increase, but I must decrease.

We know this is John the Baptist speaking about Jesus, but it fits here too. OUR joy will be made full once we realize that by decreasing our own role in the steering of our lives, we increase God’s role and become more fulfilled.

I love this song, and think of it often, especially when I am sad or feeling lonely. It fills me with hope, knowing I am serving my Master while I wait on Him for His best for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080

What Do You See… When You Look At Me?

Sometimes I wonder how people see me. I mean, really and truly see me. What do they think? Why? It’s not a vanity thing, it’s just a “how am I doing in your life” kind of thing. I wish we felt freer to say that to each other more often, without it getting weird. Especially between guys and girls. I have a couple of guy friends that I truly appreciate and enjoy spending time with. They are the platonic kind of friends, and I am grateful they have never tried to push it further than that. I guess they don’t know that I cherish their friendship. I should probably tell them.

I was at our Bible study tonight and it was a wonderful night. My day today was a little intense at times, so I needed that girl fellowship. We spent a lot of time in Colossians 3 and one of the things that has been running around my mind lately is how I (Christian) am viewed in the world.

Colossians 3:1-3 (NASB)

¹ Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. ³ For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

If we have been raised up with Christ, meaning, accepted Him as Lord and Savior… set your mind on the things above. This means to set your mind on the things of Heaven, the things Christ would want us to be doing, thinking, saying.

Colossians 3:5-7 (NASB)

⁵ Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. ⁶ For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience, ⁷ and in them you also once walked, when you were living in them.

What does this mean exactly? Well, our earthly bodies no longer are our own. It belongs to Christ. Whatever we do with our earthly body, we do to Jesus.

For the ladies, look at what you wear. Is it something revealing enough that you would cause a man to stare at your chest because you are pretty much falling out of the very low cut shirt you are wearing? Would you want to meet Jesus wearing that particular short skirt?  

For the guys, it’s a little different. It isn’t about what you wear as much as it is about what you do. When you hang all over your female friends, what are you saying to them? To a girl, you are telling her you like her. It may not be anywhere close to what you actually mean, but that is what your body language says when you lay on/excessively hug on/hang all over a girl. We are emotional creatures.

As our Christian brothers, you should want to protect our hearts (even from YOU!) as much as you want to physically protect us.

Ladies, you aren’t off the hook yet. You should also want to protect your Christian brothers by being aware that what you wear affects them (and honestly, if you are wearing the really revealing clothing, then you are probably more concerned with getting attention anyway) and how you act also affects them.  Be careful and protect each other.

Colossians 3:8-11 (NASB)

 ⁸ But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. ⁹Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, ¹⁰ and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him— ¹¹ a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all.

Vs 10 says to “put on the new self,” and so we must. We have to seek our God and get to know Him. We need to know what He wishes for our lives and we cannot truly do that unless we seek Him out. But first, we have to shed our old ways.

Let me caution you to pray as you seek the Lord's will for your life. Whether it be marriage or singleness, strive for holiness. Protect your Brothers and Sisters in Christ. And love each other.

Amazing Grace

"Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)" by Chris Tomlin

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

How many of you started singing this song when you read the words? This song has been a cry to God when I’m feeling unworthy.. because I know I have been gifted with a grace that is amazing and pure. When we receive that grace from our loving Father, our lives transform. We become a new creature, but we have to work at growing that ever so important relationship with our God. Becoming a Child of God does not automatically exempt us from sin’s grasp. If anything, it gets more difficult to resist. Our enemy knows our weaknesses. It is not a joke or a fairy tale. He knows, and he will use every trick to get us to fall and lose our hope in God.

Our battle comes in when we have to fight. We are given a list of protection to wear in Ephesians 5, and we do have to fight. I fully believe there is spiritual warfare happening over every person who claims the name of Christ. The closer you get to God, the dirtier the enemy fights. When we call on the name of Jesus as Lord and Savior, it is our responsibility at that point to turn our back on the ways of the world.

1 John 2:15-17 (NASB)

¹⁵ Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶ For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. ¹⁷ The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

This is, at least for me, so very difficult. My mind knows the right thing to do in every situation. My silly heart gets me in trouble because I get lonely and want companionship. Then my silly heart gets my mind thinking that “it will be okay” if I do just this one little thing. It won’t hurt anyone. No one will know. You know what? I know. And my Jesus knows. And it hurts me and my Jesus is hurt by my actions as well.

James 4:4 (NASB)

⁴ You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

We cannot be sitting on the fence, or hopping from one side to the other. We have to take a stand for our faith and our beliefs. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been told to “lower my standards” so I can get a guy. The scary part? It’s been guys who have told me this!!! So, what does that say about their belief in their own gender? A bunch of no good boys playing men? Yep, pretty much. At least, that’s the way I see it. We have to be stronger than that – and I’m not talking to just women out there! You men.. don’t lower your standards for a pretty girl who is.. just that. Another pretty face. She has no substance, no beliefs, no standards.

Romans 12:2 (NASB)

² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

I LOVE this verse. Love it. It is also the verse that kills me every day. Honesty check.. I do great for several days, then a random thought blows me off course. If I don’t catch it, or turn it immediately over to God, then that thought becomes two thoughts. And two become four. And eventually I’m doing the things I promised God and myself I wouldn’t do anymore. And I’m ashamed, because I know what I have to do, what armor I need to defend myself against an attack, and what weapon I need to go on the offensive. I pray, and I cry out for Jesus to save me from myself. Because I, Julie, am my own worst enemy.

Thank the good Lord Jesus that I have grace. That GRACE is available to everyone, if you will just reach out and take it.

Happiness and Comfort

How do we find that perfect medium, the place where we are happy and fulfilled, without relying on another person for that fulfillment? I won’t lie.. it is difficult in the best times. So many things can derail us during our day that can take our focus off of where it should be. A friend recently told me she feels forgotten when it comes to God in her life. I’ve felt that way too. Honestly, I seem to feel that way more often than not. There are days when I wonder if He even knows I exist. The truth is, He DOES. And He loves me. And He wants the very best for me. See, if my relationship with Christ is lacking, then I am lacking. I think this is more on me than God, because I want what I want right now. I'm not willing to wait because I am an impatient human telling an Almighty God who transcends time and space that I WANT. IT. NOW. I think it is up to me to chase after that relationship with God, even though God will RUN to me, and He will take me in His open arms and tell me in the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard that HE. LOVES. ME. There is no denying this.

So, why can’t I just remember this when I’m low, or in the valley, or being attacked? Probably because my selfish human heart and mind are working against me and telling me I am all alone in this world. LIES!!! Those things are lies from the enemy! When I am feeling low, troubled, sad, alone.. I recall a verse (these are the times when memorization of Scripture is so very important!). The one I usually say over and over is:

James 1:2-4 (NASB)

² Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. ⁴ And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I fully believe that God will allow us to be tested, like Job. Not to see if we will turn our backs and denounce Him, but to grow our faith and our trust in Him to work all things for us. The “perfect and complete” in vs 4 is not talking about perfection. It is talking about maturity. I want to be there, with Him, able to withstand anything the enemy throws my way. The funny thing is, I know I can. See, satan has to flee when we speak the name of Jesus. So, why should I be afraid?

How does this work into dating? Well, if you are not happy being you, being alone with yourself, how can you expect to be happy with your spouse? Our goal should be the relationship with Christ. Maybe that’s why I’m not married. I’ve thought about this on many occasions when I have cried out to my God, asking “why am I still alone?”  Maybe I’m not where He would like me to be in my relationship with Him. I falter, I stumble and I fail, which I fully expect to do until I am face to face with my Jesus. Even then I will probably fail. Maybe I need to change some things in me before He brings my husband to me. Perhaps…

Isaiah 41:10 NASB

“‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”

Last of the rules.. explained

 Good morning! After a pretty eventful Monday, I’m ready to settle in for the rest of the week. I made dinner last night, as well as some of my homemade salsa, which went down in history as the best ever. I’m not sure what I did differently, but it was just amazing!

I’ve decided to group my last few rules because they are relatively easy to explain. So, here goes…

5.      I won’t chase a guy either. I may do something to let him know I’m interested, but I refuse to chase. I don’t feel I should have to.

Proverbs 31:10-12 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹⁰ An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

      What does this mean in the context of “chasing a guy?” How can I be worthy of a Christian man if I am  throwing myself at every guy who crosses my path? I don’t think I can be. Vs 10 says my “worth is far above jewels” as an excellent wife.  Excellent is a pretty high standard to obtain, and then to maintain. Vs 11 says “the heart of my husband trusts in me.” Personally, I want him to be able to trust me RIGHT. NOW. Wherever he is, I want him to feel peace that I am not acting in a way that would bring disrespect to him and our future relationship. Vs 12 is vital. “All the days of her life.” ALL the days? What does that mean, exactly?  It means (for me) that I am doing good for my future husband right now. This very second, in my thoughts and my actions. I am doing HIM good. To show him respect and love. This isn’t so extraordinary for me, but it may sound completely alien to you. This is a choice I have made, to protect my fragile heart, to keep it for the one who earns the right to hold it. 

      6.  To me, age means nothing (to a point). I look for maturity, spiritual and otherwise. I can say I will not date over 10 years in either direction though… gets too young (maturity issues) or too old (tend to not be active enough) for me. 

     There is no Bible verse on this one.. only that I know I have to be open to a greater age range, rather than say I will only date someone who is 2 years older than me. Only God knows who I will marry, and I need to be open and accepting of who He brings me to. I am at a point in my life where I want security and stability. Someone who changes jobs with the rising of the sun or who is unemployed does not speak ‘security’ to me. I’m not trying to be shallow, but I prefer not having to provide for someone when I just meet them. Having unemployment fall on us after we are married is a completely different subject.  

      7.  Non-smoker (SO gross!)

       Well…. A no brainer. 

      8.  No illegal drugs or other illegal activities

      Another no brainer.

      9.      No psycho crazy people. (Yes, had one of these. Recently too)

    

      All I have to say is… they are out there. And they will find you. Yes, the crazy people will find you. I honestly wonder about this one, because the last couple of guys I have met have all been nuts in some form. It’s really strange. I think I am a psycho magnet. Pretty sure of it actually. Okay, so I’m not a psycho magnet, but I do tend to attract them easily. Maybe they see me as an easy target, until they get to know me. And realize I am most definitely not an easy target. 

    

      Have a great Tuesday!

A further explanation..

Good Monday! I hope this finds you rejuvenated after a wonderful weekend. We had a wonderful church service yesterday and then I had a great evening with friends, with wonderful fellowship. I have to say, I am blessed with good friends.

I’ll package up a few rules for explanation in this post, because some are pretty self-explanatory. 

3. MUST be willing to take on a father role. I’m a package deal.

This is kind of a “well, duh” rule, but I have run into several men who want to date me for what they think they can get from me. Once they find out I’m not the type, they are gone. They want nothing to do with my son, they don't even like it when I talk about him - which I WILL do, because he is my son and he's not going anywhere. Guys like this are a dime a dozen. I’m looking for the ‘once in a lifetime.’ That may seem harsh, but I’m not looking for a superficial, ‘NOW’ type of relationship.

4.      No sexual relationship before marriage. There must be a solid line – it is best to discuss this prior to entering into a serious relationship.

This one is hard in today’s “instant gratification” society, where we are told to do as we please, with no consequences. The church throughout history has had to deal with sexual immorality, and today’s is no different.

1 Corinthians 7 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹ Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. ² But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. ³ The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does

This passage tells us that our bodies do not belong to us, but to our husband or wife (gender dependant, of course). “What if I’m not married,” you ask? Well, why would you want to give your future spouse pieces of your heart? My analogy is handing a bag of shattered pieces (think: broken mirror)  to your spouse on your wedding day. Why would we willingly choose this? I don’t want a bag of pieces from my future husband. I want his whole heart. At my age, that’s probably going to be difficult, but even if he has been married before, he can still make the choice to not date every woman who catches his eye.

If you have been married before, you can still do better than pieces, I fully believe that. We can  choose to not “fall” for every guy or gal that comes along and promises something or nothing. We can choose not to have an unrequited crush on someone. I’ve seen so many people heartbroken because their “crush” doesn’t feel the same. It is hard, but that person is most likely not meant for you if the feelings are not returned.

5.      I won’t actually “date” someone just to have someone in my life.

      a.       I will go out with a man a few times before I determine his status in my life.

     b.      I will not enter into a relationship with a man I do not think I can marry.

There are people I know who tell me this is a wrong idea... how am I supposed to find the guy I’m going to marry if I’m not dating? Well, I’ll tell you. First of all, I think that is the world speaking, that God knows who is best for me and why should I argue? Yes, it is hard to do, but I don’t feel the need for that relationship to fulfill my life. Even a false impression of one. I think that is satan lying to us, trying to get us to go against what God wants for us, which is purity. Who is pure these days? Not too many, and it gets harder and harder every day to stay pure. I’ll be the first to admit that I am not, but I do what I can to maintain what I do have.

I have no problem going out with a guy a few times, and figuring out what is going on, where his relationship with Christ is and how he feels about children. However, if he doesn’t meet my standards, I won’t continue seeing him. I consider it a waste of my time. And his, if I’m being honest. I don’t want to mislead someone either. I’ve been blessed with discernment, so I can always tell if a guy that I meet is worth spending time with. Some end up being friends, and that’s okay too.

On the "need" part of dating. I've heard from many people that they are not happy or satisfied unless they have a boyfriend or girlfriend in their lives. I don't understand this, and maybe it is because I never did date much, but  I am perfectly happy staying home or hanging out with friends. My life is well-rounded, so I don't feel that "need" to date someone just to have someone in my life. I hang out with my male friends alone, and it is not a date, nor is there a physical relationship of any kind. I enjoy their company, and I think they enjoy mine. J I don’t think it is wrong to have friends of the opposite sex. I think it is healthy, as long as there are understood boundaries on both sides. 

Would love your thoughts…

I am what I am...

I would like to take a momentary break from breaking down the things I’ve already written and explain what this blog is all about. Someone mentioned I seem angry or bitter about my circumstances, which is so far from the truth! I am a pretty up-front person and write like I think which tends to not be all good. I am very happy being single, even if I do long for marriage. However, it is not so encompassing of my life that marriage is all I think about. It is not an overwhelming feeling for me, and I certainly do not look at every man that walks by and do a search for a ring or anything like that.

I am very happy in my singleness, because I have a fulfilling life. I have my Jesus, my son, my church and my friends. I have everything I could possibly need at this point in my life. Sometimes I feel sad because I see my married friends doing things I would like to do with someone, but it will come.  The sad times are when I turn it over to God and just say “You take this and do with it what You will… not what I will.”

1 Peter 4:1-11  New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹ Therefore, since Christ has  suffered in the flesh,  arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has  suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, ²  so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. ³ For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries. ⁴ In all this, they are surprised that you do not run with them into the same excesses of dissipation, and they malign you; ⁵ but they will give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. ⁶ For the gospel has for this purpose been preached even to those who are dead, that though they are judged in the flesh as men, they may live in the spirit according to the will of God.

 ⁷ The end of all things is near; therefore, be of sound judgment and sober spirit for the purpose of prayer. ⁸ Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. ⁹ Be hospitable to one another without complaint. ¹⁰ As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. ¹¹  Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the  utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving  by the strength which God supplies; so that  in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ,  to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

I love this passage (the bold is my doing) as a whole, and feel vs 2 and 6 are vital to me in how I am living and what my thought life is. Honestly, my thought life is what ALWAYS gets me. I can be doing perfectly fine, then WHAM! Out of nowhere comes a thought that completely derails everything. And then it consumes me. And then I start getting lonely. And then the loneliness becomes too much. And then I start texting/chatting online with some guy. And then I’m flirting, because I want attention. It is a vicious, vicious circle, this thought life thing. I have to give that over to God too.. and it’s hard. Sometimes I want to revel in those thoughts and imagine a life I don’t have. But that is not what God wants for me. He wants me to rely solely on Him.  

1 Peter 1:7  (NASB)

⁷ so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at  the revelation of Jesus Christ;

My desire for this blog is to not show how much I know, or make people think more of me than I truly am. My desire is to hopefully help someone who is on the edge of the cliff, ready to topple over because they are struggling with being single.

I feel many people put too much of an emphasis on being in a relationship or having a relationship and they overlook the single most important one of all. People will always fail us and hurt us, but Jesus never will. The only relationship we need for fulfillment and happiness is a true relationship with Jesus. That’s not going to make everything easier, but there is so much more comfort in the Christ relationship than the one with that man or woman who prefers to use you or mistreat you.

There is no man or woman on this earth who can fulfill you and make you completely happy like Jesus. Every human being will disappoint us.. family, friends, spouse, children. No matter who they are, you will be disappointed at some point (or many) in the time you know them.

I have no doubts I will fail you as well, and I would only ask that you pray for me, as I will pray for you.