A further explanation..

Good Monday! I hope this finds you rejuvenated after a wonderful weekend. We had a wonderful church service yesterday and then I had a great evening with friends, with wonderful fellowship. I have to say, I am blessed with good friends.

I’ll package up a few rules for explanation in this post, because some are pretty self-explanatory. 

3. MUST be willing to take on a father role. I’m a package deal.

This is kind of a “well, duh” rule, but I have run into several men who want to date me for what they think they can get from me. Once they find out I’m not the type, they are gone. They want nothing to do with my son, they don't even like it when I talk about him - which I WILL do, because he is my son and he's not going anywhere. Guys like this are a dime a dozen. I’m looking for the ‘once in a lifetime.’ That may seem harsh, but I’m not looking for a superficial, ‘NOW’ type of relationship.

4.      No sexual relationship before marriage. There must be a solid line – it is best to discuss this prior to entering into a serious relationship.

This one is hard in today’s “instant gratification” society, where we are told to do as we please, with no consequences. The church throughout history has had to deal with sexual immorality, and today’s is no different.

1 Corinthians 7 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹ Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. ² But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. ³ The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does

This passage tells us that our bodies do not belong to us, but to our husband or wife (gender dependant, of course). “What if I’m not married,” you ask? Well, why would you want to give your future spouse pieces of your heart? My analogy is handing a bag of shattered pieces (think: broken mirror)  to your spouse on your wedding day. Why would we willingly choose this? I don’t want a bag of pieces from my future husband. I want his whole heart. At my age, that’s probably going to be difficult, but even if he has been married before, he can still make the choice to not date every woman who catches his eye.

If you have been married before, you can still do better than pieces, I fully believe that. We can  choose to not “fall” for every guy or gal that comes along and promises something or nothing. We can choose not to have an unrequited crush on someone. I’ve seen so many people heartbroken because their “crush” doesn’t feel the same. It is hard, but that person is most likely not meant for you if the feelings are not returned.

5.      I won’t actually “date” someone just to have someone in my life.

      a.       I will go out with a man a few times before I determine his status in my life.

     b.      I will not enter into a relationship with a man I do not think I can marry.

There are people I know who tell me this is a wrong idea... how am I supposed to find the guy I’m going to marry if I’m not dating? Well, I’ll tell you. First of all, I think that is the world speaking, that God knows who is best for me and why should I argue? Yes, it is hard to do, but I don’t feel the need for that relationship to fulfill my life. Even a false impression of one. I think that is satan lying to us, trying to get us to go against what God wants for us, which is purity. Who is pure these days? Not too many, and it gets harder and harder every day to stay pure. I’ll be the first to admit that I am not, but I do what I can to maintain what I do have.

I have no problem going out with a guy a few times, and figuring out what is going on, where his relationship with Christ is and how he feels about children. However, if he doesn’t meet my standards, I won’t continue seeing him. I consider it a waste of my time. And his, if I’m being honest. I don’t want to mislead someone either. I’ve been blessed with discernment, so I can always tell if a guy that I meet is worth spending time with. Some end up being friends, and that’s okay too.

On the "need" part of dating. I've heard from many people that they are not happy or satisfied unless they have a boyfriend or girlfriend in their lives. I don't understand this, and maybe it is because I never did date much, but  I am perfectly happy staying home or hanging out with friends. My life is well-rounded, so I don't feel that "need" to date someone just to have someone in my life. I hang out with my male friends alone, and it is not a date, nor is there a physical relationship of any kind. I enjoy their company, and I think they enjoy mine. J I don’t think it is wrong to have friends of the opposite sex. I think it is healthy, as long as there are understood boundaries on both sides. 

Would love your thoughts…